Maywind's 3-month Journey to Health

[maywind]

It’s been months since I last did any extended fasting. The original goal in March/April had been to lose a significant amount of weight by the time I returned to work. This didn’t happen and while it’s been upsetting, I’ve finally chosen to move on.

Goals:

• lose ~30 pounds by March 10 (anniversary)
• motivate my husband to lose 20 pounds in the same time
• break my dependence on food (binging)

Challenges:

• bouts of insomnia
• anxiety (and its associated physical pains)
• depression
• binge eating for comfort
• possible PTSD (working through in therapy)

The plan:

• fast at least 3 days a week, even if it’s only the days I work out of the home
• do some light exercise for mental clarity
• CICO when I do eat
• work my way back to extended fasting as I feel better

I’ll weigh myself in a day or two, I feel rather bloated at the moment so I don’t think checking the scale will help or even show an accurate weight at the moment.

[maywind]

I unfortunately didn’t stick with fasting right off the bat as I’d hoped I would, and had planned to do. There were a few days that I made it to 24 hours and then my husband would ask if I wanted to have X dinner with him or hang out in the living room binging a tv show with some wine. And since I’ve been so anxious for so long, at the time, it seemed like a good idea.

But I finally managed to get started! I am currently 68 hours into what I am hoping is, bare minimum, a 6 day fast since I’ve done it before and I know I can do it again. I am hoping to go beyond that so I’ve started taking supplements that I think will help me achieve my goal. I know this means I’m not doing a true water fast but I’ll take it.

I take an organic liquid multivitamin - because as time passes, I know solid ones make me ill - and B complex droplets. I’ve also started taking my keto pills again (snake juice is le gross) and added extra magnesium to see if it might help with my jaw clenching. That’s what I’ve read so I’ve got my fingers crossed. I’m continuing to drink black coffee purely because I don’t think I can fast and deal with migraines. I definitely want to cut back but I’m not sure this is the time.

This morning I feel like I’m on a high. My mind is clear, I’m moving from task to task rapidly, I’m asserting myself at work, and I feel pretty good. The only downside so far was waking up in the middle of the night, something I commonly struggle with when fasting. I just get so. much. energy. I tossed and turned at least a dozen times, rather quickly actually, I was practically doing barrel rolls (burning those nighttime calories!) How I didn’t wake my husband up I honestly don’t know. I just couldn’t seem to get comfy and I kept telling myself, “I’ll roll over one more time and then I’ll commit to whatever position I land in…okay…one more…no, alright, one more…” I did eventually get back to sleep and despite my nighttime gymnastics, I woke up before my alarm by an entire hour.

I weighed myself yesterday since I felt it would be closer to my “true” weight. I had been eating so poorly that I knew I’d be bloated so I needed to let that pass. My “starting” weight was 167.2, my weight this morning was 165.6. I am so hoping I can make it into the 150s with this fast!

[maywind]

I’m 55% of the way through my scheduled fast, the longest I will have ever completed! And I’m down to 164.4! And I slept all night! My most recent high weight, as recent as this month, was ~170 so that’s about a 5.6 pound loss. Officially, given that I didn’t immediately weigh in due to noticeable bloat, it’s 2.8 pounds. I’m so happy. <3

I really feel like I have this in the bag this time, I don’t know why. Perhaps I’m so used to jaw clenching - which used to be a struggle in past fasts - that it doesn’t matter now, it’ll be there whether I’m fasting or not so I may as well get this over with.

My breath is terrible, which is less great. I’m also feeling colder than normal so I’ll have to make it a point to bundle up. I’m currently sitting at my computer with a heater running under my desk.

At night I feel a bit bored and listless. That’s normally when I’d eat… I know I could read, play a game, walk on my treadmill, watch tv, etc. but I get a little moody still. I’m hoping I kick that soon.

[maywind]

This fast has felt super easy which still has me baffled. My mindset and physical health before starting it were poorer than normal which you’d think would make this harder. Yet I look at the time I have left and think, “I could go longer.” I’m almost disappointed that I’m nearly done which makes me think, unless something drastic changes, I won’t actually stop in 2 days, I’ll just keep going. My husband even told me last night that I was doing really good this time. He’s also been good about counting calories. He’s got 16 pounds to go to reach his goal, at which point he’ll re-evaluate to see if he’s content.

I weighed 163.4 today, a bit less of a drop than previous days but this is to be expected. I’m assuming my daily losses will eventually drop to half a pound per day and, at some point, I’ll plateau for a few days. But as long as I feel good, I think I’ll just keep going. The absolute longest I’ll go is to 12/24 I think. I’ll need to break with something gentle so I can have a bit of food the following day. Even then, I have a few things planned for 12/25 that’ll be easy on my tummy. I don’t intend to overdo it, at all. And I intend to get right back at it by 12/27 at the latest.

Last night I was back to doing barrel rolls in bed. Not sure what that’s all about. I’m a bit tired but otherwise feel fine. I’m excited because I have a secondary liquid vitamin arriving today that I’ll take at night. It’s supposed to help me feel relaxed. Fingers crossed that it works!

[maywind]

So…I was talking to my husband last night about this being the longest fast I will have ever completed. He said he thought I’d gone at least as long before, if not longer. I felt pretty certain my longest fast had been a few hours past 6 days. So I scrolled back through the history on my app and actually found one longer! Apparently, I did a 171 hour fast in May of this year and forgot. Now my goal for this fast is 32 hours longer than what I’d originally set.

I still feel good, so good that I was able to throw together a chicken salad recipe for my husband to make sandwiches with last night. From start to finish, through all of the baking, chopping, and mixing, I never once felt tempted. I knew I could make more at a later date so there was no reason to throw away my success for something I could literally repeat any day of the week. Although I did accidentally lick my finger when I got a bit of mayo on it. I immediately realized what I’d done, grabbed a paper towel, and wiped it off, haha.

I weighed 162 this morning so I think I’ll be 159.X by December 13th, one day past my current end date, but I still feel like I might just keep going. I slept all night last night and feel pretty mentally fit. Onward and upward (downward?)!

[maywind]

I’m stunned. I’m really stunned. My weight dropped from 162 yesterday to 160.4 today. That means I should be in the 150s tomorrow morning. I feel like, in the past, I’ve normally plateaued by now. I think I even documented this in my first journal. I’m so excited and proud of myself. =)

I’m really tired today though. I’m reading a new book, and normally I read at night. It also typically helps me fall asleep. On nights I don’t read, I frequently struggle to doze off so it’s a pretty predictable method for lulling myself to sleep. But this book is so. good. that I didn’t fall asleep until ~1:00am. I didn’t do it on purpose, it just took a while for me to reach the point when I know sleep won’t elude me. I know I’m ready when I’m reading the same sentence reading the same sentence reading the same sentence reading the same sentence…and not understanding a single word. But that point didn’t come, I had to take Zzzquil which isn’t terrible, I was just hoping to avoid it.

My pants feel a bit more comfy around the waist which is great. And I’ve been in a chipper mood, which is a huge deal for me as I’ve been suffering from terrible anxiety, depression, and general feelings of hopelessness since my brother died nearly 2 years ago. All of this - the weight loss, the improved mental strength, the pride in my accomplishment, the idea of what’s to come, even my job, all have me in a pretty consistent state of contentedness. It’s even improved my marriage because I feel so much better.

My average weight loss, going strictly by what’s recorded in fastient, is still up above 1 pound a day. If I maintain that pace, and go even just 10 more days, I should sneak past the 150s and squeak into the 140s before Christmas. But I’m still waiting on that average to drop to under a pound a day. So at the absolute slowest I’d say 153 which is still no small matter. I weighed 170 at the start of month so to end the month that far into the 150s even would be great. I just keep going over the numbers to encourage myself to continue.

Plus, after about 7:45pm today I’ll have officially beaten my record!

[Kristy]

LOVE the journal- so many scale and non- scale victories! I’m so proud of you and think you’re a great inspiration! What book are you reading? I devour books and would love any recommendations! Next year I think I am going to do goodreads “read harder” challenge with my brother. It has people read books from all over the globe (and from every genre) that includes diversity of worldviews and stories that introduces a lot of new authors!

[Miramar]

@maywind

There were a few days that I made it to 24 hours and then my husband would ask if I wanted to have X dinner with him or hang out in the living room binging a tv show with some wine. And since I’ve been so anxious for so long, at the time, it seemed like a good idea.

You have one of those. A husband.

I have a neighbor friend who suffers greatly when I do extended fasts. I share a lot of meals with him. Otherwise he’s pulling out the ramen noodles and terrible things for himself.

[maywind]

@Kristy Aww, thank you for the kind words! ^.^

I’m reading The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle. I love how it’s written, I can’t put it down!

That challenge sounds interesting, I’d never heard of it before. I might check into that!

@Miramar Haha yeah, he’s really supportive though, he’s just a goofball. Now that I’m so far in, he doesn’t even broach the topic of food with me anymore. I even asked how he’d feel if I didn’t want to break for Christmas. We don’t have kids, no one is traveling anywhere, so it’s just the two of us. I’d cook for him but save some for myself for perhaps a few days after. I’m not entirely sure I’ll get that far, or that I’ll even need to at this pace, but he was okay with it. =)

Now that I’m not cooking as much, he makes things like tuna salad sandwiches or popcorn. >.< He’d definitely rip into ramen if we had any, we try not to stock those things in the house because we like them too much to resist…

[maywind]

I woke up this morning not feeling too great. I’m not surprised, yesterday was pretty rough for me. I hadn’t slept well the night before which normally just means I’m tired the following day. But at around 11:00am I got a migraine that started behind my right eye before moving to my forehead, directly between my eyes. My coworker gave me something for the pain and after ~20 minutes it went away. But I was still so drained I considered going home early anyways.

I didn’t want to call out for such a silly thing so I stuck it out, I was there already anyways and what’s a couple of hours? Towards the end of my shift I went downstairs to grab a book for a club I’m in. It was on the bottom shelf so I hunkered down and pain shot straight to the top of my head, right in the center. I had to actually pause and push down on the spot to try to alleviate the pain. It hurt again when I stood back up. I don’t necessarily think it was due to fasting because I’ve never gotten a migraine before and I’ve actually been good about taking vitamins and keto pills. I certainly don’t think being that tired helped. Unfortunately, rough nights are common for me whether I’m fasting or not.

I slept okay last night but I’m sleepy again today. Fortunately, I’m off. But I just suddenly thought, “This is long enough. I can break, eat, resume and probably drop quickly again anyways.” So that’s what I did.

I didn’t break properly, I know, but I feel fine so far. I ordered a small basil pesto pizza made of cauliflower crust and shared it with my husband. They’re small and rather thin which I like. I also ordered a bowl of basil pesto zoodles with avocado, which I didn’t actually get to try because the restaurant somehow forgot the zoodles so all I got was a bowl of cherry tomatoes, balsamic vinegar, basil pesto, and avocado… I had some wasabi and soy sauce almonds and then I resumed my fast at 2:00PM EST. My goal is to break exactly a week from now at 2:00pm.

[maywind]

I’m too lazy to post a fastient image today, plus it’s not all that exciting yet.

I weighed 163 this morning which I’m pretty pleased with. I figure I’ll drop to 160 within 3 days or less. If this last fast is any indicator, I think I can reach 153-157 by the end of this round and then 147-151 the next, breaking Christmas day. I’m hoping to keep this process up until I’m roughly 130. My guess is that means 6 more rounds, the final being at the end of January. It’s aggressive but I think it would go a long way to helping my confidence, anxiety, and depression so it’s worth it, especially after how horrible I’ve felt the last several years.

[Myhnabird]

@maywind

It’s aggressive but I think it would go a long way to helping my confidence

I so totally hear what you’re saying, Maywind. I’ve been dieting since I was 14 years old (44 years, in case anyone’s counting) and have NEVER MANAGED TO KEEP IT OFF.
No more. This is it.

[maywind]

I’m with you on that! I’m nearly 33 and this will be the 4th time I’ve had to lose weight!

Is your problem stress/comfort eating? I tend to eat when I’m happy, sad, mad, stressed, etc. So basically…all the time… What I’m trying this time is changing how I internally “speak to myself”, how I think of myself. In the past I’ve said, “I will become X” but I remember reading somewhere that you should tell yourself, “I am X”. I am the sort of person who doesn’t care about food, I can pass when I’m not hungry, leave some behind, etc. I am the sort of person who makes healthy choices. I already am this person, therefore I am already capable of doing those things. It feels oddly comforting.

[Myhnabird]

@maywind

comforting

It’s funny you use that word - that’s pretty much what I’m doing when I binge; comforting myself. I’ve been trying to find other, less harmful ways of comforting myself and am beginning to have decent results. I think it’s a matter of awareness. It’s hard to get the results we want when we do something unconsciously.

And yeah, you are already that person. Good on ya!

[maywind]

@Myhnabird

@maywind

comforting

It’s funny you use that word - that’s pretty much what I’m doing when I binge; comforting myself. I’ve been trying to find other, less harmful ways of comforting myself and am beginning to have decent results. I think it’s a matter of awareness. It’s hard to get the results we want when we do something unconsciously.

And yeah, you are already that person. Good on ya!

Thank you! ^.^

Oooh, I’m a binger too. Do you mind if I ask what you have found helpful so far?

[Myhnabird]

Nothing very exciting, I’m afraid. I remind myself that food isn’t leaving the planet anytime soon (eg. delay, don’t deny) and I try to practice awareness of my body and the world around me.

One thing I have always hated is the “secret” binging (as though having a ton of excess weight on my body doesn’t announce to the world what I’ve been doing ) so I’ve been making deals with myself that I can have x, y, z but I have to eat it in front of someone. That has the advantage of removing the “can’t have” aspect and, of course, I’m hardly likely to binge in front of someone so I choose not to do it. (Having choice is really important to me).

I hope some of the above helps.

Mary

[maywind]

I’ve been sitting here staring at this text box trying to find the words to describe how I’m feeling this morning. Nothing sounds quite right, likely due in part to how jazzed up I am. My mind is racing so it’s hard to focus.

I had a staff meeting this morning, one that I initiated and facilitated. This was my first such meeting because in my last job I wasn’t permitted to have any kind of authority or attention. I was worried about how the meeting would go. Would people push back against what I was asking of them? Would they be miserable? Would they just write me off?

I’m thrilled to say that they all seemed to respond positively. I’ve even gotten a few emails with ideas and it looks like they’re looking forward to collaborating more. I’m so excited and happy that I’m practically vibrating with good feelings. I’m excited for what we’ll be able to accomplish by working together.

This is completely different from my last job. I was excluded from everything, even my own work sometimes. I was yelled at, yelled over top of, even outright ignored. On more than one occasion I’d start talking, catch someone’s eye, and they’d look away from me, leaving me talking to myself mid-sentence. It was such a traumatizing experience, I was always on edge, waiting to get yelled at, to get written up for something insignificant. I’ve recently realized that this broke me. It too closely mirrored the stress and fear I felt growing up in a dysfunctional family, and it lasted for 3 years. It changed me. Until recently, I’ve been afraid to go to work for no discernible reason. This was when my therapist and I began discussing possible PTSD.

For once, I actually have mostly positive updates for her and I’m looking forward to our session.

Now, on to my fast and my weight! I am currently 46 hours through a planned 121 hour fast. The first two days have flown by, I actually thought I started yesterday. When I started I weighed 163lbs, this morning I weighed 161.8 so it might actually take me until Wednesday to dip into the 150s. That’s totally fine, I started this month weighing 170 so this is still an amazing amount of progress in a short amount of time. The only thing I still have to work on somehow is my trouble sleeping. I’m tired today, just like I was yesterday, yet I’m unable to fall asleep at night or even take a nap during the day to give me a bit of pep. Otherwise, I’m really happy these days. ^.^

[maywind]

I must admit, I was a tad disappointed this morning when I only dropped .8lbs, to 161. I had figured I’d get closer to 160 this morning, making it easier to dip into the 150s tomorrow. So now I gotta have a woosh to get there tomorrow. It could happen and I’m telling myself that even if it doesn’t, who knows what I’ll weigh in as on Saturday. I’m still ultimately 9 pounds lighter than I was ~12/1.

I’m still a bit tired, I’m not sure why. It may just be that I’m in a dark office alone today because according to my Amazon Halo, which I’m trying out while it’s in beta I guess, I slept just over 8 hours. Pfft, if only it could have calculated all the tossing and turning I’ve been doing the past few days! It’s like my body knew it was being “watched” and decided to behave.

I’m still in a really good mood though overall, I’m excited and confident and I never want the feeling to go away!

[Kristy]

@maywind

It’s like my body knew it was being “watched” and decided to behave.

Good morning maywind

I won’t even allow devices like Alexa or google home things give me the creeps!

Hope you get your woosh!

[maywind]

@Kristy at this point so much of my life is wired in that I just don’t think about it anymore. The funny thing is, this “watch” has been recording me since ~10:15am and here’s what it’s come up with:

50% neutral
25% reserved, discouraged, worried, etc.
25% content, appreciative, caring, etc.

It found one “notable moment” at 2:30pm today when it apparently recorded what it thought was a particularly sad moment that lasted 1.2 seconds… I was with my husband at the time getting coffee, the only thing I can think of is it caught my momentary despair over my coffee being too hot to drink.

Otherwise I don’t think it’s been accurate, I had a ~25 minute phone call with a patron who needed help with one of our digital services and I think I sounded pretty pleasant… We’ll see how it goes, if it’s not very accurate I’ll get rid of it. My friend has had hers on for about a week now and she’s not sure the step count is right.

Fortunately, I can turn the mic off when I want, which I did at night because the light kept blinking…