Kyle's Journal

[Kyle]

Got back from my trip Monday night. My five day fast did not go as planned. I probably set myself up on that one as I was going to a family funeral and food was definitely the theme of the long weekend. My family is all from New Orleans, so they don’t understand the concept of “fasting”. It was a lot of creole food, cakes and BBQ. Got on this scale this morning, I’m at 155. I don’t even know how I am only 155 considering how much eating took place. Anyway… I had a doctor appointment this morning. My doctor asked me why I wasn’t in the 130’s (as we had discussed in March)… UGHHHH. Anyway, my next check up is in six months. He’s very hopeful I can achieve the 130’s by then. The PRESSURE>

Anyway, that’s the latest here. TOTALLY not motivated to fast. At all.
Having a pity party today, also did an OMAD and I’m going to abstain until tomorrow.

Glad to be back… going to check in on your journals now.

Happy Fasting, Feeding or Pity-Partying, Friends!

[Kyle]

Anyone ever fasted out of anger? After my Pity Party… which lasted two days, I woke up ANGRY. Angry that I have allowed 10 years to pass me by and broken promise after promise to myself. Angry that I actually bought clothing to keep me on track… and SEVERAL years later they are in the closet with the tags STIILL attached. Angry that my friends have all progressed in their lives and I’ve stayed in a self imposed prison avoiding nearly all social gatherings and missing out on old friendships and making new friends. Angry that I am waiting for something to magically happen instead of taking the reins and MAKING things happen. Angry that I’ll be 45 next month and I really have nothing to show of the last ten years.

Anyway… that’s my rant. This its the first time in a LONG time I have felt motivated by anger and a sense of “I’ll show everyone!”. I’m pissed and feel like fighting back. Success is the Best revenge, right? Not sure “who” I am taking revenge on… but that’s the sentiment.
Feels better than that pity-party, anyway.

Anyone have experience with this?

What motivates you? I mean the motivation that STICKS.

[Kyle]

Been doing OMAD carnivore the past few days. Strict 22 hr daily fasts and started back at the gym. I probably lifted heavier than I should have but I’ll know tomorrow for sure! Still motivated by a strong anger-determination, feeling. Planning on 22-24 hour daily fasts + carnivore OMAD for the time being while I adjust to reestablishing my workouts. I find exercise to be a miracle stress reliever… not as much fun as a pint of chocolate chocolate chip ice cream… but definitely a better choice.

Stress is HIGH in the US with the election tomorrow… gonna be a hell of a week here.

Hope everyone is doing well… it’s gone so quiet on the forum lately. Miss seeing the posts!

[Kristy]

@Kyle

I find exercise to be a miracle stress reliever

This is so true! For me the key was finding an exercise/hobby that I really liked then developing it! If you can try something new maybe out of your comfort (not ability) zone. It’s a great way to meet new people too (6 feet apart )

I empathize with how you are feeling about the USA. Regardless of what does or doesn’t happen take this opportunity for some serious self love. Creating your own peace and joy will bring it to all those around you

[Kyle]

Have you gone back to Swimming Kristy?

[Kristy]

I’ve been twice! Just hired a dog sitter so I should be able to go once or twice a week.

[Stacia]

Kyle!!! I could relate soooo much to everything you said !! So weird that you and I both have let years slip on by in a trance of binges and hiding out do to binging/bloated and for me becoming obese. I too am so angry and what seems like the whole world moving on and I’m still in my pity party of feeling fat … I think a huge part is becoming single moms and the worry about our kids mental health (mine have anxiety/OCD). I don’t know about you but I have not only felt embarrassed about being overweight but also being divorced (I left him but regret has killed me)… and I sold my house with the thought I’d buy something else and then the prices jacked up so I just kept waiting until the prices improved and now I rent. It’s so stupid to worry what others think of me but honestly I’ve felt like a loser … … I know I’ve created my world and my thoughts about it and I’ve definitely worked on looking at all the beautiful reasons to be grateful (my sons of course #1!!! - health for all of us - I see beauty in the mirror under my fat - my friends, family, job!! The blessings go on and on …). But to deal with this ugly weight on me (the symptom of the above sadness that I’m working on putting behind me… ) which I will !!! Damn it

Sister, we can do this !! Let’s try and only think of what we want moving forward ya know? Let’s go !! Missed ya …

[Kyle]

Missed YOU!! I was getting worried about you. Thanks for checking in!

We are in the same boat! I’m not embarrassed about my divorce… BUT I have been divorced since 2001. LONG time now. I did have a situation recently where my best friend and her hubby went on a weekend getaway with another very good friend of mine and her hubby. I only knew about it because I happened upon some pics on instagram. It was SUPER deflating seeing four of my closest friends on a weekend getaway (to celebrate one of my girlfriend’s birthdays) and I was not even informed… much less invited in the festivities. I know I was excluded because of my perpetual “single” status. And although, I get it… it still hurt my feelings. Single life and Single Mom life are hard in many ways.

We can definitely do this!! Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I’m doing keto-Carnivore OMAD. Meat and Dairy is about everything on the menu for me. First few days were rough (carb detoxing) but seem to be getting into a good groove now. I found a Keto-Yogurt at the grocery today that is SO delicious.

I’m so glad to hear from you! Keep us posted on your journey.

[Stacia]

Oh gosh … I could totally feel your words sister. My sons were on select baseball teams and I think I was the only single parent and all these married couples would talk about their trips and planned some together. Everyone was super nice to me but I just felt that “left out” of the winners circle feeling … ugh … I have the best girlfriends ever but at the end of the day (one of these) days I believe we will have someone special to be with. I have purposely NOT wanted to bring anyone around as I always thought it was crappy to bring someone that’s not the kids dad around (unless there is no dad in the picture)… I don’t know, I just figured he’d never love them the same and the kids would have to share mom with basically a stranger but I see one woman after another remarrying so it must be me being weird. Starting to get more me time and I hope the same for you Kyle so we too can find love in a partner. . Great job on Carnivore !! Keep going … lets get this shit behind us

[Stacia]

Hi Kyle !! How’s carnivore going?

[Kyle]

Going good! When I tried Carnivore last year (for about a month) I stuck to all beef and nothing else. I was really rigid. This time I’m doing any meats + dairy/eggs and a small amount keto approved food… but highest concentration is animal protein and OMAD.

Feeling good so far … although… on election night I ate two (not keto) donuts! The stress!! Got back on track yesterday and feel confident about today. I think I was feeling overwhelmed with election coverage. I decided to tune out. It’s gonna be what it’s gonna be. Stressing myself out is not going to change the situation.

How are you doing? Hows your coffee-creamer going?

[Stacia]

That looks delicious . Long Water fast started today after dinner … this sounds crazy but I really think I can do this. I have everything in my life for the recipe of success except this gluttony issue and the shame that comes with it. Girl, at this point I don’t care about suffering through … its suffering to be so heavy too … I need ya sister for support !! Thank you for being here . I’m here for you too 100%!!

[Kyle]

You definitely have my support! I’m your biggest cheerleader! Did you set a length or playing by ear?
You’ve done it before, so you know you can do it again.

EDIIT: Just read your journal! See you are going for fifty. I need LOT of updates!!

[Stacia]

Day 1!! I feel so ready … not saying it’s going to be easy… have an amazing day Kyle !!

[Kyle]

Good morning Fasting Friends!

Happy Saturday! Hope everyone is having a great day today. Currently 20 hr into my normal OMAD. I think I will push through today and go for a 48 to mix it up.

It has been such a stressful week here in the US and stressful at home with my son. He’s not gone to his day program at all (he usually goes three days a week and I get a 4 hour break each time). He’s going through some separation anxiety and doesn’t want to leave my side. As much as I love him, I REALLY need my sporadic breaks to regroup and get things done. He requires a great deal of physical, mental and emotional energy… anyway, that’s my rant. Really hoping I can get him to attend his program on Monday. It’s so hard not to turn to food to cope with the stress… but so far, I have been able to avoid “going off the rails” this week. YAY me!

I feel good enough to push thru to tomorrow… and then evaluate then if I can stretch to Monday.

Happy Fasting or Feeding Friends… Hope everyone is doing well today!!

[Stacia]

Big hugs to you Kyle !! I swear if I lived by you I’d come help you anyway I could … being a single mom too those breaks are needed so much to be able to have the inner strength to keep going … I guess for now you will be in my prayers everyday … hang in there, you are are great mom and the reward will be massive at some point !! … you got this 48 sister!!!

[Kyle]

Good morning Everyone!

So, I broke my fast with alcohol yesterday evening. Two, much needed, stress-relieving Vodka -sodas. When I got home I had two keto-yogurts and called it a night. Glad I haven’t gone totally nuts.
I went online last night and put together a huge buffalo-chicken pizza order online to go pick up… fully intending to DEVOUR. Anyway… when I got to the “check-out” stage of the order, I closed the website without a payment and didn’t go back. Thank Goodness I’m starting to get control of my impulses. I don’t have 100% discipline yet but I’m getting there. Glad I’ve managed to stay away from sugar as well.

Anyway… I didn’t make it to 48. Made it to about 28. I should have fasted today BUT I made a batch of keto-cookies for my son this morning and totally had one. So, I’m going to have some eggs and start another 48 hr fast to Tuesday.

My oh my… what a week it’s been.

Hope you are all doing well!! xo

[Miramar]

I had a glass of wine with my dinner last night. I couldn’t drink anything else after.

Now, if it were a vodka…

I finished off my big bottle and there may be a few airport nips straggling around but they’re all flavored and I don’t like them as well.

I’m doing really well on having no hunger today. I think the OMAD is manageable for now.

Oh! The mailman just arrived:

My motivation to finish the cupboards!

[Stacia]

Proud of you for not ordering the pizza!! I have done that a few times too where I had it all ready to check out and logged out. I will remember you if it happens again that we can say NO!! Good job sister … a few drinks and keto yogurt was actually not a big deal … it’s the giant pizza with desert that gives us that few extra pounds … grrrr… you got this my friend !!

[Kyle]

Hey Everyone!

I’m still here.

My son and I watch Jeopardy every night… since the news about Alex Trebek, we haven’t watched it all week. Tonight we turned it on… it’s making me sad. I really liked Alex TreBek.

I have been doing OMAD/Keto still. I’m proud of myself because I feel like I’m getting into a good “keto” groove now… it seems to take a long time for me to stick with it and I think I have passed the milestone. Hunger seems pretty manageable now.

It’s been a stressful family week here. My aunt went to the hospital Sunday. Her heart stopped and she lost consciousness. She came to and then her heart stopped again… ambulance took her to the hospital and they did surgery Monday to put in a Pacemaker. We are very close and I wish I could go take care of her and my uncle (who has stage 4 lymphoma) but they are many states away from me and I have to take care of my son. Anyway… sometimes it sucks when there’s only “one” of you. So… that’s what’s been on my plate this week (literally and metaphorically). My birthday is next week and my friends have started calling for a dinner or something. Not interested this year in a celebration and I really want to continue my OMAD/keto journey from the privacy of my home. Something like a dinner with friends could literally throw me off for another month and it’s not worth it to me. Does that make sense? I’m in a good place with this and don’t want to derail anything.

hows everyone doing on the forum?