Stacias Journal

Hi, I’m new here. I’ve been binge watching your you tube videos, thank you so much ! The motivation you give is amazing and I love how real you are, makes me not feel so alone in this horrible trap of food obsession and obesity … I have always been a foodie but kept my weight down (binge/restrict) for years, even after having two kids but after divorce I just ate and ate and went from 125 to 240 at 5’3 !!! :(. I too isolate and am ashamed … I’ve fasted a few times for 3,5 and 10 days but want to go further this time and see if I can knock out wheat and sugar … the two things that cause cravings. Thinking 21 days … my biggest hurdle is my one cup of coffee in the mornings with cream (black coffee is horrible)… any suggestions ??? I plan to start tomorrow (8/8) - 21 days here we go!! Thank you for being there to help hold me accountable!!

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If you can join the weekly challenges, on Zoom, with Yasemin, I find them very helpful. And just get through the first 5 days, when ketosis will kick in, and then one tends to be able to fast a very long time. I wish you success, in reaching all your goals.

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Thank you, I will look into it :). I officially started my fast just now 12:20pm 8/8. I just finished lunch (of course I ate way too much as my mind was reminding me I won’t be eating for awhile). My sons are on a road trip with their dad and I took 5 days off work so I could get through the first few days with no reponsibilities. I am sooo beyond ready for this. I’ve been researching long water fasts and what to expect for a long time. I just want to be myself again, thin and healthy and confident… it’s been so long. I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person standing there … it’s hard when you live in a body that you’re not proud of :frowning: … I plan to check in 3 times a day to keep myself accountable… even if no one reads this just knowing I’m publicly committing helps!! I don’t have anyone in my life that looks and feels like me … it’s hard:(. Thank you for being there… I wish us all luck in our health goals !!

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Checking in … been a whole 8 hours of fasting ! Ha… need 120 hours to reach the 5 day mark and get into the grove. No one is home so just watching TV and utube videos … so far so good ! Will check in again in the morning. Good luck to all of us on this adventure … can’t wait to feel good in my own skin ! :slight_smile: We can do this right?!

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Hello, at 26.5 hours in now of my fast … have had a headache and feel a little ill. Kinda spacey too … been laying around sleeping but going to go out and go for a walk just to be out of the house and a change of scenery. Not hungry physically at all but food keeps popping in my head. No one is home and this is my normal binge/eat til stuffed time… I gotta find a way to make this time something else … just not sure what. I find food the best part of the day and everything else seems a little boring … sounds like an addiction to me. :(. I have to trust that I’m stronger than stuffing my face and wasting my life away … my children are my happy place and they are definitely my why. I broke up my marriage a few years back and have regretted it … that’s when this all started to take hold. Trusting in God that I can finally move forward for my children but for me too !!! Thank you for listening.

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Im starting tomorrow. Am aiming for 21 days, but if I feel good, will go longer.

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Well darn, I made it 3 days :(. I guess that’s a start. I’m starting a new water fast tomorrow (8/15) and will post after I pass the 3 days (morning of 8/19)… :slight_smile: feeling optimistic!! Good luck fellow fasters :slight_smile:

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I’m always so proud and impressed when I see people improving their lives. I empathize with you. Keep us posted on your journey. Because I’m not particularly mobile due to injuries, I find it difficult to focus on anything for any length of time. What kind of things are you doing to keep busy?

Thank you Kristy! Getting through day 2… I just ran some errands today and watching the Crown on Netflix :slightly_smiling_face:. It’s really good if you have access to it. I keep thinking of food but I remind myself how much stored energy I have sitting there needing to be used … tough when I think of food as joy … someone asked me the other day how much money I spend on entertainment a month and I started to talk about eating at restaurants and she said “food is not entertainment “… I was sorta shocked because I think of food as my number 1 for entertainment… it was a slap in the face that normal eaters don’t think that?!! Hope everyone’s day is well !! :slightly_smiling_face:

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Food is DEFINITELY entertainment in my experience. I need new hobbies… lol

Day 3 now … so far so good … nice to read others journeys … grateful for this forum! Of course my mind is programmed to have food thoughts every 15 minutes … I’m hoping that slows down a bit because it’s really annoying. What I struggle with is what to do with my time? Tv and utube and House projects gets kinda old. I’ve been trying to just get up and run in place until tired (3 or 4 minutes… lol) throughout the day, that’s something new. People reach out to get together but I don’t want to end up at a restaurant and honestly I just plain hate to be seen being so overweight … it’s all I think of when out and about. I try to tell myself I’m being selfish that I should focus on the other person and enjoy the moment but it’s hard when you feel like a beast sitting there. I used to be so confident and athletic, I want to find her again ! Hence the fasting … the inflammation from crappy foods most likely contributes to the negative talk and bad feelings. Day 3 and I’m feeling a little more positive … I don’t look any better but feel it a tad … I’ll take it !! :slightly_smiling_face:

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The separation from friends because of Covid is a blessing and a curse. I also don’t like to get together with anyone because I’m self conscious of my size. But the isolation also has a way of my wanting more carby foods. All my best girlfriends are teeny tiny… Like every ONE of them. I’m always hiding half my body behind them in our pics.

Hows the weather where you live, Stacia? Could you go for a walk in your hood? It does get difficult to find tings to do if most of your time involves food (as mine does).The afternoon/evening its the biggest hurdle for me (hunger wise). I’ve been pretty ravenous today. Just drinking more water. Day three… WE GOT THIS!

:slight_smile: I could take a walk and I do but even that makes me self conscious? Weird I know. I’m one of these happiest behind closed blinds people as long as I’ve been overweight … all my friends are tiny too !! I used to be and it’s hard to want to be with them. They are so lovely and would never judge me but ugh … I either stand behind people or say “no way, don’t take my picture!” I really have become all obsessed with food and/or shame from the weight. I act all happy in front of people but inside I’m a wreck. I’m telling myself to deal with however I’m feeling no matter what it is as “this too shall pass” because if I don’t deal with it I’ll eat over it and stuff it down with food, get into a sleepy/high stupor. Not even sure what I’m eating over? Divorce is hard but mostly I’m eating over feeling so fat which my remedy has caused me?! Can you see the craziness of it all? Lol …today I’m not hungry at all but eating just sounds so relaxing and fun … so mentally I want to eat the kitchen but when I put my hand on my stomach and ask myself how truly hungry I am, I notice I’m not at all !! Let’s keep going …

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I think we both struggle with the same thing. The eating and weight are just symptoms of the deeper issues we have to get to. I know addressing the deeper hurts will be the only way for me to get off the merry go round of emotional eating. I guess I have come to the crossroads of dealing with which is more painful to address… the emotional pain I’ve pushed down over the years or letting go of the “crutch” (eating) that has gotten me through all those difficult things but caused it’s own emotional pain. If only it were as simple as counting some calories…

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That post rang so true to me too. I lost my mom, got divorced and went back to work with two beautiful sons that have to work through daily challenges (even to this day) and I don’t think I’ve really grieved over any of it. I think fear and worry are my biggest hurdles … I worry for my sons even more than for me but yet worry for dying young if I don’t stop stuffing my face with artery clogging food that is horrible for health. And then this world with politics, covid, so many losing their jobs and about to lose their homes … it’s all kind of overwhelming so of course numbing out on food is sooo much easier than dealing with all that… but I want to live life and be here for my family and experience love again and traveling, etc. I really don’t want to hide behind closed doors and layered clothing the rest of my life ?! I’m definitely starting to think feeling emotions is better than eating my life away ?!! I just don’t know anymore what life looks like heathy and free … I do want to know though!! :slightly_smiling_face:

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I’m sorry to hear about your mom’s passing. I have also lost my mother and gone through divorce. I understand the lack of time to grieve those things when you have two boys to take care of and have to get through the rigors of life. Looks like we are still on the same page in lots of ways. Hugs to you.

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I’m sorry you’ve been through these things too … I guess no one said life was easy unfortunately. Maybe just knowing someone out there in the world can relate trying to fast and lose weight through strong emotions helps ! My guess is everyone on this site can relate to wanting to crawl to the couch with a pizza and Netflix over dealing with the hard stuff … I know I would !! Hugs to you too Kyle ! One of my sons is a Kyle so instant connection there !! I love it as a girl name !!

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We are reading and it’s helping !!! Keep going

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Checking in… Hows it going? Still Fasting?

Hi ! Yes, on day 4 now. Thank you for asking ! Last night was kinda tough, I literally sat on the couch in silence battling it out with myself on the typical “maybe I should eat one more time before this long fast”… it’s unbelievable my “wanting to be thin and healthy” won !! The only thing that stopped me was the fact that every binge food I thought of I knew would not be enough, so then I thought of a giant pile of everything that sounded enough which I couldn’t possibly eat in one sitting which meant I’d be binging again today to finish it all. Sometimes I think there is an OCD element to my thinking because it has to be all or nothing to feel “complete” which is why my binges usually last a few days. I truly have “binge eating disorder”… I am not (and never have been a snacker)… you will never catch me eating a handful of chips or a pc of candy. It’s ALL or nothing of my binge/trigger foods. When I’m not binging I’m eating fine … it’s pizza, chips, sugar, and nachos which get me. That’s my go to’s. I do want to overeat things like toast or fries but not like the 4 big ones. My brain keeps go around and around with “fast until all weight gone and then binge every few days” or “eat low fat vegan or keto and cut out the addictive foods”. Omg, I’m so over this !! How was your evening ?!! I’m curious what your and everyone’s “food thoughts and how to manage it” hamster wheel is?? Am I the only crazy ?? :slightly_smiling_face:. Thank you for asking !! Day 4 here we are!!!

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