I have something important to document to myself.
I ended my 7-day fast 2 days early this evening. But I’m going to be positive - yay I completed a 5-day fast!! My longest yet. So that’s a good thing. It was planned and controlled. I lost 7 pounds, my rosacia cleared up, and my eyes seem whiter. All good.
I ate the chocolate I had been craving since H bought it on Monday.
Do you know what? It wasn’t so great. It tasted waaaay too sweet, unpleasantly so. And I went straight back to my pre-fast thoughts of “I need to make this last until I can shop again tomorrow, I can’t though, what will I do?”. And of course I ate it.
That stress and panic just wasn’t there during the fast. The moment my craving is satisfied I’m already hating it. But I’m not disappointed in myself - what I hated was the addiction.
This was enlightening for me. I realised that even though I had been craving sooo much in the fast, it was no where close to how bad I felt when I satisfied the addiction - experiencing again the addictive mind that fears, worries and panics.
I don’t want to live in the grip of an addiction (even if it’s ‘just’ chocolate) any more. It’s a waste of my life, and taking up way too much of my mental resources. It stops now.
I’m having this weekend off and ketoing until Sunday (4th Oct) when I start my next fast which will be at least 5 days. And this time I’ll remember how I felt so I (hopefully) won’t be craving so much.
So yes I broke my fast a bit early, but I have gained a lot of benefit, and learned a lot.