Maga’s fasting journey

[maga]

Hi Kyle, Thanks for checking in. I am not doing great… with anything… I did come here to post a few times but then just got embarrassed or thought what was the point and left. I have been lurking and reading up to find some inspiration though.

I am up to 86 kgs and am always hungry. It is impossibly difficult for me to do an IF for even 6 hours a day, forget OMADs and TMADs. Fasting has always been easy with me, so I was perplexed at first. But now I know that I dont have the vape/smoking clutch for the first time in 2 decades and it is causing me to be constantly hungry and easily irritated. Its like I am different person without my addiction fix. And I dont identify with or like the person. I dont know if the quit was worth making me a shitty person and now I am just going to put all the weight back on. Just in a bad place… will stop ranting… But I do appretiate you checking in. Thats why I got over the embarrassment of failure and posted I know the right things to do… but I am not in the space to do anything except get over this damn addiction which is my only goal now. I am not focusing on fasting until the addict inside me calms down. The irony is that a short intermittent fast for a few days like a 20/4 would calm it down… but I am just not able to get thru the morning without some greasy breakfast. Its 1145 am now and I had decided to eat between 6 - 10 pm. I am confident that I will be eating by 3 pm latest. Now I will really stop writing

Regards,
Maga

PS: I had read on someones post about a book that redefines your relationship with food. Trying to find the title of that book in case you know the name… please let me know.

[Kristy]

Do not, under any circumstance, think that you should feel embarrassed or ashamed! You having major transitions in your life.

Im Not sure if this was the book you were looking for but I highly recommend it: Mindful Eating: A Guide to Rediscovering a Healthy and Joyful Relationship with Food by Jan Chozen Bays (Author)

[maga]

Hey Kristy… Thanks for the book rederence… I think it is the same one I was looking for.

Also thanks for the kind words.

[Stacia]

Maga, you’d be shocked how many of us could relate to much of what you said. I too feel embarrassed when I fall off the wagon but that’s whats so great about this forum … getting it all out of your head and in writing to others is so therapeutic! I bet you felt better after writing all that down . You will find your groove soon and the best advise I can give you is to go look in the mirror and tell yourself “ I love you and I’m glad you’re mine, you’re my best friend and together we can do this.” I know that sounds weird but when I remind myself that no one in me is the enemy, I feel safer/better. Theres just some empty hole in all of us that we crave to fill up … I’m trying to accept that hole may always be there and that’s ok, it’s part of me. You got this!!

[Kyle]

Thanks for checking in. The struggle is real! So many of us have experienced the ups and downs you are going through. It’s so hard to be in battle with yourself. Just take it one day or even one hour at a time and go easy on yourself. It’s a journey and we are all here to support you.

Hope your week gets better and better… don’t let the shame take you out of the game.

[maga]

Thank you… I have too much going on in my head… and I need to bounce back… I will actually try what you said in front of the mirror… but in the bathroom… in privacy…

What you said about accepting empty holes… I have either got into overcoming or getting bogged down by empty holes. Never thought of accepting though. Reflecting on it…

[maga]

I like your play on words… I will take shame out of the game… I will try to take it one mini step at a time… thanks for the reminder… that’s what I would say to someone else and yet I am not doing it… go figure…

[maga]

Just checking in. I have managed to maintain my weight at 85kgs but get some serious hunger pangs. In the last week I managed to do to IF with a window of 6 hours… but today I could not manage to do it. Had a toast after my coffee and spiralled throughout the day. I have come to accept that without the help of my vice I cannot ignore food for too long. Hence I think I will try an common food window from 2 pm to 10 pm daily. Right now I am trying an omad daily and failing daily. However easier goals and thinking I just need to make it until 2 pm will work better… I am sure of that. On a personal note it sucks that I cannot manage to do these short fasts after completing a long one. But trying not to think of it that way. Just taking it a day at a time… have started an exercise routine too… nothing special but keeps the weight balanced … the ultimate goal would be to feel less hunger or obsessed with food and I am confident that fasting will help with that. More later…

[Kristy]

I am completely with you on OMAD and how some days it’s just not possible. I’ve had to lengthen my window time too. Exercise is an awesome way to boost your mental health and help with reducing vape urges! Also exercise will make you hungry- so don’t beat yourself up if OMAD is especially hard on a training day.

[Miramar]

Ya - I’m on an OMAD spree too. I’ll be happy to just maintain for a few more days while I work back up to a longer fast.

I will say thank myself for starting 6 months ago. I will get to goal and am committed to this as a lifestyle change. I really can’t be eating all day long every day.

It’s a tough time of year to get through too.

I had a giant zucchini gifted me a week ago and I had a craving to bake yesterday.

Zucchini bread and “zucchini bake deanie” got made. And I had some of each for my OMAD.

Now I just need to give some breads away today.

I’d keep it in the freezer but I have too much in there to eat already

[maga]

Hello everyone,

I had been struggling earlier this week and binged a lot… until something good came out of it… Yesterday I woke up feeling sick at the thought of sight of food and so I was able to do a IF with a 4 - 5 hour eating window. And I felt much better. Today I woke up fine, however I was able to do an IF with a 5 hour window. I wanted to do it and my body was aligned and I could shut my mind up when it decided to evoke the cookie monster / foodzilla inside me. I was going to wait for a few more days to see if it lasts, but got too excited so decided to post. Hopefully I can keep this up.

I have 3 - 4 cups of black coffee so that I can fight off the hunger feeling until 5 pm. I know its a lot, but at this point I will take it. Tea does not do the trick for me… Its just water or coffee. Still good on the no vaping policy and I barely think about it when there is food… Hence the IF has been so difficult - at least thats my analysis of it. I must admit thought in the last couple of days when I did the IF, I have given some serious thought to is the quit vaping worth it if it is just going to ignite my addiction for food or drive me nuts? However, I have stayed strong till now. I do miss it a lot when I see someone doing it.

Anyway, it is a bummer that the pattern for me is that I have to hit rockbottom to do anything good. Because I ate like crazy, I felt sick and then could do a IF. I just wish I had it in me to do it right from the get go without the screw up weeks back… anyway, rant over… I am actually very very very very happy today… not sure when my mind wanders when I write here. Did not intend to rant or even write that.

I need to make a list of google a list of 100 things to do instead of eating or vaping and KEEP IT HANDY. I am finding that boredom is my biggest enemy.

Happy fasting or feasting to everyone !!

Regards,
Maga

[Kyle]

Coffee is totally fine. If you need coffee, drink it. No problem! Glad you are feeling good today. The journey is hills and valleys for sure! Hopefully we just figure out how to best navigate it for ourselves. It’s a work in progress and you are doing great, Maga.

Boredom is a big one for me too… I find cleaning, organizing, addressing tasks I have put off, walks and sometimes TV help curb the boredom and then I’m happy if I was a little productive.

Glad we are a part of your journey!

[Kyle]

How are you doing Maga? Good weekend?

[Cindy]

Hi Maga! I liked reading your self-analysis to figure out what works and does not work for you. I too struggle with eating when bored. It’s like the action of the mouth moving somehow is comforting? Or perhaps it is the temporary “happy” I feel while/after eating something. Sometimes I try to watch motivational videos or other YouTubers that have a fasting focused lifestyle.
I’m rooting for you and happy fasting/feasting!

[maga]

Hi Kyle… I am doing okay.

I thought post fast would be about continuing to eat in a IF pattern and getting healthier and losing weight (and magical)… however it is more about beating a very long addiction…I saw an episode of Crown on Netflix last night where a person breaks in to Buckingham Palace and asks the queen for a cigarette. Then I had the weirdest dream about it and I woke up at 3 am. Then I did not get sleep. So continued watching Netflix and ate a bag chips while doing so.

I am not very proud of my diet now. Most days are good but some situations make me binge. I am focusing on 2 things… keeping the vape quit and slowly reducing the hours of the IF. I will focus on what I am actually eating after I have a better grip on the addiction and IF window. Most days if I cross 11 am I do either an 8 or 6 hour fast. If I eat in the morning I eat non stop. But I am okay and am focused on slow and steady progress. I am playing to do a 36 hour fast on Saturday. Let’s see how it goes.

Hope your doing well too… I have not been logging in too much… it’s been a bit busy…

[maga]

Hey Cindy… Thanks for the message… I have been doing a lot of analyses… I will try to find some motivational gasting videos on YouTube since I am on it a lot anyway… thnx for the tip!! Happy fasting or feasting to you too!!
Cheers
Maga

[maga]

Hey everyone

Happy to report that fasting has become easier in the last couple of days. The key difference is that I am not being hard on myself.

Yesterday I did my first (kind of) omad in a while… Was served chai tea with milk and sugar whilst out I the morning and I had it. Normally I would say now it’s useless and just binge throughout the rest of the day. However yesterday I just said it’s okay… let’s see if we can still do an omad with this exception. So I did not binge… got really hungry at around 6 pm and then ate at 7 pm. I take this as a win since I did not binge through the day after the first screwup - taking the chai. I felt light and not bloated and good. Also this attitude builds my fasting muscle a bit more. Now I am closer to doing it 100% right and I am sure I will get there. I just won’t beat myself up in the process.

The fasting purist voice inside of me consistantly reminds me of how useless it is to have sugar and milk chai and how it’s not an IF. And I acknowledge it and understand that this cheat is temporary. The fat monster inside of me gets me so geared up and tempted to binge after the first screw up - it’s really hard to express how I will just feel bad for screwing up; and then tempted to binge through the day; and then heavy and bloated; and finally feel bad and full of regret in a post. However I did not give in this time. Instead of looking at it as a screw up… I choose to look at it as a temporary way to build myself to do IFs. Hopefully next Saturday will be better.

All in all… my IF was not proper but I am okay… I choose to fake it until I make it . Just thought I would share. Happy fasting or feasting everyone!

Cheers
Maga

[maga]

Okay so my fasting muscle has build up a bit… I am holding off meals until at least 4 pm since the last few days giving me a 4 to 5 hour feeding window. The less I focus on perfection the easier the the IF gets… as long as there is coffee. Now that the feeding window has narrowed I meed to focus on what I put in my tummy. I am going to start simple and focus on breaking my fast with something healthy and then eat what I want… right now the culprit is dairy and I am consuming it… however I choose to focus on a mini goal instead of taking our all the cream and cheese in my life… That starts tomorrow. Will keep you posted.

Interesting my moods have become excellent… and I have been having some ambitious… pompus maybe or extreme thoughts… I want to challenge myself to 180 days of fasting in 2020 - this may include any fast with a feeding window of 5 hours or less… I know it’s silly that on the one hand I have been taking it easy and developed a relaxed attitude towards fasting. On the other hand I want to do this mega fast that will take most of next year. But I really really want to do it. And I cant put my finger on why my mind races between the two extremes…

Anyway more later… Happy fasting or feasting everyone!

Cheers
Maga

[maga]

Hi all,

Its been over a few months since I did a water fast and then unsuccessfully tried to IF… I am missing the forum and am longing to do another 5 day fast at some point… Here is what has happened in the past couple of months…

The addiction- I quit smoking/vaping on my fast and have kept it going until now. I must admit that I was a different and much nicer person when I was vaping. Controlling impulses is easier now and the cravings are far apart … but I still continue to have very horrible cravings now and then… This has been my biggest challenge and keeping the with has drained me… makes me question if it is worth the torture.

IF - I am doing an omad 2 times a week and most other days my eating window is noon to 10 pm. This has shrunk my appetite and I look thinner and feel good and my weight continues to drop slowly… so this part is great.

Acidity and indigestion have returned and once a week I have a gastric headache or sinus. it’s like clockwork… Additionally my kneepsin has returned inspite of my weight dropping… wtf

I am hoping to get inspired to do a week long fast or maybe change the 2 omad days to full fasting days… not sure yet… just wanted to share and reflect my thoughts… thanks for reading.

Cheers
Maga

[Miramar]

@maga

I quit smoking/vaping on my fast and have kept it going until now

Hey! Great job!

I will be dropping the smoking this week. I have a week long retreat meditation event and I will certainly be sneered at if I’m running out to take a drag. So it’s boiling down to mind over matter. Monday is going to be a very telling day.