Kyle's Journal

[Kyle]

Yay! You’re still going. Great job Stacia!!

I agree with what you wrote… The over eating is masking stuff. It’s like pulling back layers. I have a lot of unaddressed issues that are beginning to come up. I have the need to strictly control my environment… yet, I don’t have the control over myself. Maybe the need to control the environment is a reflection of my lack of control over myself and feeling helpless to my circumstances to a degree.

I said earlier this journey would be one of “self-love”… but in addition to that, I feel it will be a journey of Self-mastery. Aristotle said “To attain any assured knowledge about the soul is one of the most difficult things in the world.”. This is as much as philosophical journey as it will be a physical one. I’m ready… and open to the possibilities.

I Look forward to reading your journal.
Have a good one, Stacia!

[Stacia]

Thank you for the response! Yes the control thing … omg, I am the same way … House must be clean and organized, todo’s caught up, my sons doing well and ONLY then can I relax for a few… and guess what relaxing is? Binging and stuffing my face … it’s like a reward for how “on top of everything I am” and then the process starts over … part of me forgives myself for all the years of binging because I think I honestly needed that to get through these years but I don’t need or want it anymore !! I just want to live a true authentic life … my life is a lie in so many ways… a secret (secret hell I should say) with the private binges to cope … no one knows this about me (except obviously the weight) but some people just innocently snack, happy as can be, social, real, authentic … I have this ugly secret that know one sees … it’s all consuming … ugh … I like the quote you said… a few weeks ago I was reading on how to become a “stoic” … I’m not kidding, I dream of just being strong and grounded in the face of whatever happens … I feel too much and too emotional inside … my friend was telling me the struggles she was having with her son (it was heartbreaking) and she was sooo calm and collected talking about it, I started to cry for her and she looked at me like I was a pmsy mess ?! I’m like how the F can you not be freaking out with what you just told me!!! Oh to be a stoic … lol I’m rooting for you Kyle !! This forum is amazing and sooo helpful !!

[Kyle]

Hi everyone!

WELL… I have to come clean. I BROKE MY FAST. My son was having meltdowns this afternoon and the stress of it finally did me in. I broke at 118 Hours. I ate a meal and just started back to another fast. I’m shooting for a 3 day fast right now.

Stacia… I’m sorry I’m not your fasting partner now! I hope you continue as long as you planned!

It’s a journey and I know what triggered my ending. I tried to fight against the stress battle in my mind for several hours until I couldn’t. I am going to have to find ways to deal with the stress that don’t involve food.

I will not beat myself up… 118 Hours is still a feat for me but I know I can go further. And now I will … Try try again.

That’s the latest. Will check in tomorrow. Hope everyone is doing better on their Fasting Journey today than I did!

[Stacia]

Kyle, oh my gosh, you did 5 days !!! That’s a huge feat and worth celebrating!!! I’m so proud of both of us and like another poster said, just get back on the horse !! Whether OMAD for a day or two and then another fast or just keep making healthier chioces one day at a time … ( I’m saying this to me too!!) I’ve decided 8 x’s out of 10 is good enough ! Please don’t leave … this forum is a place we can be real and talk about our stuff and work through the process … it’s never going to be a “one and done” !! My sons have been on a road trip with their dad for 3 weeks… I binged everyday up until the past 5 days so my only saving grace has been to go through this 5 days with no one home … I’ve just been able to read blogs and watch utube videos … so yeah, I’m worried when they get home and the busyness of life starts back up … it literally took me many days to come down before I was ready for this fast. I’m hoping for
the momentum to keep me going. I’m sorry to hear about your son, I get it 100%… I go through struggles everyday keeping one of my sons from losing it … . I’m sooo proud of your accomplishments with all that’s on your plate and you should pat yourself on the back right now !! 5 days sister !! That’s amazing … don’t stop trying to figure out healthy ways to cope … that’s my goal too … honestly I truly think the fast is just one tool … pick up your fast where you left off and keep going!! . Hugs to you !!! Keeps us posted !!

[creamyreemy0]

To fast for even just one day goes to show how much you care about your well-being. Self-love is a lifelong path paved with doubts and distractions; a road trip from hell, if you will. But you WILL make it to your destination. The pace is irrelevant. Thank you for being accountable and honest.

[creamyreemy0]

[Kyle]

Day 1 (13 Hrs in)

Good morning Fasters! I’m back on the clock after caving to a meal late yesterday. I’m going for 3 days this fast. When I woke this morning Ii weighed myself. I was 157. My starting weight was the high to mid 160’s… so I guess that would be around 8-12lbs released. I was encouraged to not be in the 160’s and am focusing on the low 150’s now as my goal.
A few hours after my meal yesterday (TMI ALERT) I had a very liquid BM and this morning I had another (more normal) BM. I guess my meal pushed everything that was remaining in my gut and the meal digested more quickly than I would have expected.
Mentally I feel a bit foggy and down. I can notice the difference on how my mental/emotional state is on eating vs fasting. Much clearer in my thinking and mood when I’m into a fast (like around day 2-3). I honestly feel hung over even though I don’t drink alcohol. That moment of feeling calmed and gave me a hit of dopamine (from my meal) has lead to probably two days of mental depression. It’s strange how food affects the brain chemicals so strongly.

And thank you for your kindness and support on the page. It’s hard to not beat yourself up for falling off the wagon… and you all have made the blows I give myself much easier. Like I said in the beginning, it’s a self-love journey. I have a lot of love-learning to do.

Anyway… just wanted to update on the aftermath of a crash re-feed.

Have a good day Fasters!

[Miramar]

@Kyle

I honestly feel hung over

You are probably in the midst of transitioning back to ketosis.

[Kyle]

Just wanted to provide an interesting read I found today about Fasting… It’s from the 1930’s when doctors used fasting as a tool for healing. It’s interesting (and Sad) doctors knew this way back then and have mostly steered SO far away from Fasting in favor of Drugs. Anyway… for those that want to know more, here’s the link.

BOWEL MOVEMENTS AND FASTING

https://www.soilandhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/02/0201hyglibcat/020127shelton.III/020127.ch13.htm

WEIGHT LOSS RESULTS

https://www.soilandhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/02/0201hyglibcat/020127shelton.III/020127.ch17.htm

REJUVINATION OF A FAST

https://www.soilandhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/02/0201hyglibcat/020127shelton.III/020127.ch15.htm

LENGTH OF A FAST

https://www.soilandhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/02/0201hyglibcat/020127shelton.III/020127.ch23.htm

EDIT TO ADD A FEW MORE CHAPTER LINKS

HYGEINE

https://www.soilandhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/02/0201hyglibcat/020127shelton.III/020127.ch29.htm

APPETITE and HUNGER (this is a REALLY GOOD one)

https://www.soilandhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/02/0201hyglibcat/020127shelton.III/020127.ch24.htm

FASTING SYMPTOMS

https://www.soilandhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/02/0201hyglibcat/020127shelton.III/020127.ch27.htm

PROGRESSION OF A FAST

https://www.soilandhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/02/0201hyglibcat/020127shelton.III/020127.ch28.htm

You can scroll the bottom of the page on any of these links and click “go to next chapter” to keep reading the research that was done on Long Term Water Fasting (over 7 days)

Hope these help! All this research really made me reconsider how I approach fasting.

[Stacia]

Thank you for the links … I will look at them today… 157 is great !! You are doing amazing and definitely doing some self care!! TMI, It’s amazing how much comes out after 6 days fasting … I’ve gone #2 a few times a day for all 6 days fasting …wow, kinda scary to think of what we are carrying around in us … I feel cleaner and lighter already but have soooo long to go … I can honestly say I wish I was 157! … I know it’s all how we feel in our own skin … I’m not going to weigh myself at all because it just sets me up to feel frustrated that I havnt dropped 80 pounds in a week . I also really appreciated the comment about the high when we eat and the two hung over down days after … I soooo feel the same way. There is something to the chemicals released and the crash … I’m on day 6 now and hangin in there !! Wishing you great luck today Kyle! I’m goimg to post in my journal now too … hugs!!

[Amber_Duff]

Thank you so much Kyle for the links and for hanging in . I read this while I was waiting on some of my family’s meal to cook . I really wanted to eat with them and start a new fast tomorrow but you saved me with this link . I really I wasn’t really stressed and I wasn’t really hungry . I just want food !! ( I do want it ) but I don’t need it and I want to get this wait off more . It isn’t physical hunger and the meal is something I constantly eat so it’s not something exciting I can’t have next week or the week after .
I know however I am going to get to the point where you were when you broke the fast . There is going to be a time when I am too stressed and my willpower is used up or exhausted and then I don’t know what I will do but I am guessing I will eat . I am going to try learn from you and see it’s okay to just get back up . Despite telling my clients that relapse is a part of learning I think I was really missing a piece because I am such an all or nothing thinker too . With your post I think it hit me . It’s not that fail to meet my own expectations it’s that I fail to examine why and how often and change what’s around me when when I can’t change our my mind . I also sometimes fail to climb back on the horse . I guess I shouldn’t be using the word failure . I wouldn’t use it for anyone else .

[Amber_Duff]

I am super lucky not to have had substance abuse issues . My best friend is eight years clean from Heroin . It can happen . She is an amazing person and I am lucky to have her . She has taught me a lot. It’s a horrible curse to a family but sometimes the struggle becomes an amazing character and love . I wish all the best to your family and the struggle .

[Kyle]

I know what you mean about the scale. I have to get the “number” expectations out of my head… and reserve the scale to once a week (or less) because it will do me win mentally. I hope you get the chance to read some of those links… the info is so interesting and you may find it motivating. According to what I read, you are taking the perfect approach of not setting a specific timeline but letting your body decide. It made me rethink how I want to fast… and I think I want to take on a LONG fast… like a Jesus Long fast. No number to it but going off the guidelines of what I have read… essentially at least 7 days and then last until I have “True” hunger (which is described in the chapters). Not sure when I will start… want to read more about it. Maybe now… or maybe in a week… Going to think about it.

I’m going to check out your journal now…

[Stacia]

I just love reading what everyone writes, I have “ah ha” moments in every post I read ! Oh my gosh this forum feels like a God send … I’ve been praying for some kind of help or support because I obviously have not been able to on my own. I will pray for your son, he will find his way, my brother was addicted to heroin for 4 years and one day said “enough”… he layed in the couch for weeks and suffered, cried, slept (a lot) and got through it and never touched the stuff again. I believe your son (just like us) will come to that place when he is ready … it’s like us saying we’d rather feel good in our own skin more than a damn pizza. (Not the same I know but food addiction is just as painfully horrible in some ways when you’ve been an isolating addict like me). You are a great mom and doing everything right by your sons by being there and willing to help anyway you can. Let’s be the beacon for our kids, the example we want for them and God can do the rest. Hugs Kyle !!

[Kyle]

Wow! I got goosebumps reading that your brother had this struggle. We really do have SO much in common. I’m glad I have met you Stacia. Thank you for the encouragement about your brother’s story. I truly hope my son hits that point where he will do what it takes to change his life. It sucks that we can’t make them do it or do it for them… But God allows us to each have our own challenges to work through, I guess. Being a Beacon for our kids sounds like something I’m down for! You and I are simpatico.

Hugs to you! Have a good evening… see you tomorrow!

[Stacia]

[Myhnabird]

Thank you so much, Kyle, for posting the links, particularly the last one about not breaking a fast until the body lets us know it’s time. I’ve allowed my head to make far too many decisions and look where that’s got me

[creamyreemy0]

Eye-opening reads, thank you for sharing these articles, @Kyle. One major commonality I found between the studies regarding enemas and prematurely breaking a fast is how much we (people as a whole) distrust our bodies. We don’t have faith in our bodies’ natural ability to eliminate toxins, so we intervene with methods that arguably exacerbate our digestive issues. We don’t believe our bodies will communicate with us when it’s time to break a fast because in our default fed states, we allow ourselves to completely disconnect or disregard our intrinsic signals. It seems incomprehensible to us that our vessels are intelligently designed to serve us in every way.

[Stacia]

Thinking of you Kyle and wishing you luck today on your no coffee and fast !! You got this sister !! !!! Keep us posted !!

[Stacia]

Kyle, wow those articles were a life saver today !! I’m through almost all of them and I learned so much !! Thank you !! They even talked about ulcers which I was thinking if I had one (which I’m pretty sure I do) then water fasting might make it worse but he said you’ll have pain up to 10 days as the fasting heals it !! Every question and worry I had he addresses it (queezy, headache, etc.) … just wow, what a blessing you sent those I hope your “no coffee day is going well!”