Today I have set clear intentions to embark on a 21 day water fast (beginning today) for multiple reasons, namely: the spiritual benefits, to come closer to God & to engage more deeply in the word, truly soaking in His presence. I would also like to look at decreasing or coming off the medication I am on, with my doctors approval & I am setting this intention for a complete mindful & physical reset. After having my partner home for the past month, I have completely let myself relax with food & have gone way above what I would consider a ‘set point’ for my weight in recovery, (based on my height, personal preference & GP recommendation.)
I have Borderline Personality Disorder & have experienced my deepest lows in previous years, resulting in a weight drop of 20kg in 6 to 8 months. This time last year (May) I were a small 52kg with a height of 165cm. I wasnt eating well because I wasnt coping. In February I began my recovery for BPD in rehabilitation, where it was then discovered I had developed ED traits & had been recommended therapy for a possible diagnosis of an ED, I denied this therapy because I wanted to remain small.
Since November 2019 I have been trying to heal on my own, focusing on raw food vegan & plantbased eating, which fortunately has aided in physical healing of my body, but unfortunately fed into & fuelled the restrictive behaviours, which is when I began binging & fasting patterns.
For the past 2 months I have tried to relax with my restrictive behaviours, which has not been easy, moving more into vegetarian, until hubby came home & I gave in to all the food cravings & really began to balloon & bloat, heavily, eating whatever I wanted. Now I have regained 20kg, lost all confidence, have food cravings every second of the day & feel completely out of control, hense, attempting a complete reset. If I cannot achieve what I am hoping to achieve, which is 21 days water fasted, before moving into #keto #omad on a more permanent basis, while I work on my relationship with myself & my body - then this will be the time I decide to seek the help of professionals. But for now, I am using this time to completely go inward, work on my spiritual mindset, my mental health, my relationship with my body & a complete craving reset. Lets go!