Finding the Middle Way

waywardcompass · March 26, 2021, 4:29pm

I have a friend who is training as an anagarika to become a fully ordained Buddhist nun. We’ve been besties for 24 years. She got me into meditation and fully supported me on my fasting journey when it began in 2013 with my first 15ish day juice fast. She got me so much into meditation and Buddhism in general, that I did a lot of reading on the matter, and learned about the Middle Way.

I have always been a creature of extremes. All or nothing. Mach 6 or parked on my ass. How has that been working for me? Well, I hit 218 lbs at my biggest, and hit rock bottom with my drinking not long after. It’s been 5 years, and I am STILL working on finding the Middle Way. The moderation, the in-between extremes; the “just right” porridge.

I didn’t lose weight until I had a wedding to plan; that was the real fire under my butt. I did a 90 day juice fast (note: all homemade veggie juice with a bit of fruit for palatability) and lost 50 pounds in that time, hitting 147 at my lowest.

Over the years, of course, being the Maiden of Extremes, I gained most of it back, then lost it again, then gained it again. I’ve had a REALLY hard time moderating things.

I finally realized that the long juice fasts were not working, because there was just too much time between them, and I kept going back to eating like a linebacker at a free buffet each time. This was not sustainable.

What’s this? You can fast regularly, every week, and not die of the “day 1’s”?? I have found my Shangri-la!! I started with 20:4 and have been working my way up to my first 72 hour, which I would like to incorporate weekly until I get back to goal. I am 5’6" and currently 175, down from 190 2 months ago when this new journey began. Goal is 140.

I was inspired by @Miramar to begin some kind of regular accountability thing here, because hers sucked me right in like a good novella, and this shit is hard sometimes. LOL. I think I might have found it though; the fabled Middle Way. Is this sustainable? Can I hit that goal and actually STAY there with this lifestyle? Can I keep from sliding back, as I have done again and again??

MillaRussian · March 27, 2021, 8:18am

You are the boss of your life. You will set goals and make it happen. Create a schedule and follow. Step by step.
You will hit a plateau eventually. It will require a little bit extra push to overcome it. The main thing is not to give up.

waywardcompass · April 1, 2021, 3:09pm

Day 2 of my (hopefully) 72 hour fast. I’m scouring the internet for motivation to get through this longest water fast yet. I’m telling myself I’ll only stop early if my body gets the woozies or the barfies.

Also, I have no idea how to just make a new journal entry in this topic without replying to my own entry. Weird.

waywardcompass · April 13, 2021, 7:46pm

Finishing up tax season here. Been a rough couple weeks. I fell off the fasting wagon and gained 9 (NINE!!!) pounds in that time. Holy hell. It’s so incredibly discouraging to see I can just simply never eat “normally” again. Back on the wagon today and it’s HARDER. I’m obsessing about food and when I can eat again. It takes up my whole damn day.

Miramar · April 16, 2021, 11:22am

Aha! I found your journal.

Ok, I’m back from my tizzy spin and have resumed writing in my journal explicitly for your enjoyment.

And oh, get that daughter of yours into some ballet classes. She needs some new techniques for her dancing video on your site.

waywardcompass · April 16, 2021, 12:51pm

Oh my, she’s 13 now! Lordy, did you find the old YouTube vids? LOL! Yay for personal writing dedications!!

waywardcompass · April 16, 2021, 1:24pm

So down to 171 this morning. Hit 178.4 on Tuesday, so not bad for two 40 hour fasts this week. A bit worried about the weekend, as it’s my first full weekend since the heat of tax season, and I want to RELAX and EAT and DRINK. I suspect after my heavy gain last week it’ll take awhile to get back down to where I was at the beginning of April. Sigh. Marathons suck. I miss the sprints of juice fasting for 30-90 days. But this experience is for the Middle Way. Need a change of life, not a yo-yo between extremes. At least in the long run, my line is trending downwards.

Miramar · April 16, 2021, 4:56pm

Shes on your website dancing up a storm.

waywardcompass · April 16, 2021, 5:23pm

https://www.waywardcompass.com/ ? <— my website, no dancing Naia’s though!

Miramar · April 17, 2021, 5:29pm

Scroll down the page. She’s there!

waywardcompass · April 17, 2021, 5:51pm

Hahahaha!!! Ahhh I haven’t updated that page in aeons. I’m glad she’s there, dancing up a storm a decade later.

waywardcompass · May 3, 2021, 2:51pm

Ok, here we go. Today is May 3, and I weigh 179. I am dipping back into the juice-supported long term fasting beginning today, with an ultimate goal of 50 days. Feeling shaky and gross today, likely due to overindulgence of food and drink over my weeklong vacation. It was a great week, super productive, but I’m glad to start fasting again and feel less low-key sick all the time.

waywardcompass · May 4, 2021, 3:37pm

Day 2. Feel like a million bucks. Having a few 16 oz. juices to get through my fasting days feels SO much better than slogging through with straight water.

My trusty juicer keeps on chugging along; I bought that workhorse in 2014 and she keeps grinding. My juices are typically all greens with some lemon thrown in for palatability. I think the glucose response from the lemon is negligible to nonexistent. Then it’s sieved thru a cheesecloth to avoid any trace of pulp which might affect the shutdown of my digestion.

I’m excited this time around is going to be really good. I hope I can keep this optimism going. Mind games start to kick in for me when the weekends loom nearby.

Miramar · May 4, 2021, 5:02pm

I’m right behind you at 184! Gonna sneak up and git you.

What’s your ultimate goal range? Mine is size 12 - which will fall around the 140’s for me.

waywardcompass · May 4, 2021, 5:47pm

Oh lady, it’s on!

I think we’re the same height, 5’6" so goal is 140 for me too. Pipe dream? Sigh, maybe. Goal for this fast is 160, then I need to come up with a long term plan to stop yo-yoing like a crazy person.

waywardcompass · May 4, 2021, 7:47pm

Finally caught up on the Fasting Stickies thing. Been seeing it everywhere so I checked out the YouTube vid. I’m more of a digital kinda girl, so I set up my Google calendar to take up these smaller chunks instead of the looooooooooong fasting calendar event I had in there. This is a cool idea, I hope it helps me get through to Memorial Day!!

Miramar · May 5, 2021, 2:50am

Yes, the stickies are great!
I have to do the physically putting stickies up on the wall, so I can rip them down physically.

I also have a regular calendar I write on, and a dry erase calendar.

And then I have fun notes on my wall from doing the Dr. Joe Dispenza thing:

Neural nets are formed by combining:

The law of association (learning) along with the law of repetition (remembering) to create a new level of mind (firing and wiring in new ways).

They are the automatic hardwired programs that we unconsciously and automatically use every day.

Law of Repetition - how we remember
Law of Association - how we learn

I’ll let you get back now to your regularly scheduled programming.

waywardcompass · May 5, 2021, 4:23pm

I like to think of it as reforging the Grand Canyon. The water wants to go that way; it’s done a very good job digging that way for a minute or two. Rerouting the flow takes tons of effort at first, but with time new riverbeds are forming, deeper and deeper. The flow gets easier, but that Canyon is always there when we stop being mindful!

waywardcompass · May 5, 2021, 4:27pm

174 this morning. Day 3, that’s 5 pounds. I love the initial water whoosh.

Expecting a slowdown here soon, which is fine, but I like to weigh in daily for DATA. I LOVE DATA.

TMI warning, I also just had my IUD removed after 14 (!!!) years and am looking forward to seeing what it’s like to be female again. I haven’t had a period in over a decade! Curious to see what different kind of fluctuations may happen, or if I feel any different overall.

Also, hooray for upcoming vasectomies. This factory is closed.

Miramar · May 5, 2021, 5:20pm

And an AMEN to you.

I’m approaching my first year without my auntie visit. If I got randomly knocked up now I think I’d have to just go with the flow . Need to find me a young stud in Cancun and see if I can shake things up.

Congrats on the drop!

I was only half a lb down on my morning weigh in, but I’m down 16lbs for the first week and then I had a coffee this morning after the weigh in and some more evil evacuated so tomorrow will be interesting.

Have an awesome day!