Faina’s 21 Day Fast Journal

Faina_Gersh · August 20, 2020, 9:03pm

I’m starting day 2 of my 21 day fast ending on my birthday Of September 9th. I am doing this to free myself of an emotional eating disorder.

I am an athlete and health coach. I have eaten healthy and been active my entire life. A couple years ago I had a traumatic incident & didn’t really have the emotional tools to deal with it. I started emotional binge eating when upset. Because I was athletic though I never really gained weight even though I had sometimes up to 10,000 calorie binges and they were just on occasion.

Then about a year ago I ended a toxic, narcissistic relationship and it was my first one like that - I really didn’t have the emotional tools to deal and I fell apart. I started binging daily 10,000 calories & gained 25-30 lbs in a few months - something I never thought I could. Though of course I want to lose this weight- I more so just want to be free of this need for emotional binging - it’s like an addict that drinks or does drugs when down but my drug of choice is food. I have new empathy & compassion for those who have suffered like this for years.

My game plan is to stay committed to myself - to self care- to healing - and to staying present with myself instead of letting my emotions carry me away. I will do this for 21 days because on the last day is my 45th birthday. I’m starting a new year with an emotionally healthy self and getting my self back.

I’m also doing emotional work, meditating and reading during this time as well. After that I don’t plan on doing anything special besides eating the way I have my adult life, being active, being good to myself, and listening to my emotions instead of running to food when I feel overwhelmed by them.

I miss being in my body and feeling healthy and strong. Feeling like this feeels like I’m running from my body and running from myself. I will feel present and grounded again and not feel like I’m hiding but like I’m here in the now.

I will achieve being my highest self and living a life where my exterior and interior both reflect my values and who I am.

Stacia · August 20, 2020, 8:46pm

Hi… I appreciate your post and could relate to all of it (the emotional upset and packing on pounds after being healthy and fit my entire life (even after having kids)… divorce had me binging daily and put on 100 pounds !!!). Glad you are doing some self care now while only 20/30 … you can do this !! This forum helps so much … I’m on day 6 and only beginning to try and deal with life without turning to food and feel more hopeful and positive than I have in a long time!! I love this forum !!

Faina_Gersh · August 20, 2020, 8:52pm

Thank you for your supportive words & could relate to you about kids, divorce, etc. I think I had to just accept where I am now - and now is the right time for all of us. I’ve always tried to do it alone - I’m just a bit of a loner and don’t open up well- but I’m happy I joined here and to be part of a supportive community with common goals

Stacia · August 20, 2020, 8:56pm

I am such a loner too and don’t talk to people about my binging and life’s upsets so I get it ! Been interesting to share my struggles publicly, it’s getting it out of my head so I don’t eat over it … this is all new to me too

Bretta · August 20, 2020, 9:59pm

Thank you for sharing this! I can relate in sooooooooooooooooooooo many ways. Seeing this though is such a great encouragement for me! Keep going!!!

Stacia · August 20, 2020, 10:03pm

We got this !!

Sarah_T · August 21, 2020, 1:32am

Faina, I’m the same way! What you said is so beautiful: accept where we are now and know that it is the right time for all of us!

Sarah_T · August 21, 2020, 1:33am

Thanks for opening up in such a way, and being vulnerable, it helps more than you could know.

Faina_Gersh · August 21, 2020, 1:52am

Thank YOU Sarah, for your kind feedback! We are on our way!

Faina_Gersh · August 22, 2020, 6:14pm

Day 3 of my fast. Feeling fine/good but not doing much besides working from home & going on long dog walks.

I’m in a stage of acceptance. This 21 day fast will help me find freedom from any food addictions that I have When I feel depressed or anxious. I often tell people how we do one thing is how we do all things and this is true with nourishing and self care as well.

Faina_Gersh · August 22, 2020, 3:58pm

Day 4 - feel fine- good. No hunger really or tiredness. Also not doing much & I’m usually extremely active. Just working from home & walking the dog daily. As much as I hate still being under quarantine and everything being closed - at least it takes away the possibility of temptation! I’ve never gone past 2 weeks fasting & this time I’m doing 3 weeks. I have a feeling it will have its ups & downs of course but that I’ll make it & it will overall be a breeze …

Stacia · August 22, 2020, 4:08pm

Awesome Faina!!! You’re doing great … let’s keep on movin forward to health !! We’re on our way !

Kristy · August 22, 2020, 5:57pm

I can’t focus on what you’re saying because I can’t take my eyes off your amazing dog! Sooo lovable!

Faina_Gersh · August 22, 2020, 6:00pm

Haha! Thanks - Teddy is definitely very lovable & loving!

Faina_Gersh · August 22, 2020, 6:08pm

I did step on a scale today. I am 128lbs - my normal weight prior to my extreme binging that started this year is 110-115. I am not going to weigh myself too much and get too attached to the scale - but I can get back to close to my normal weight by the end of this fast and then I have started all sorts of emotional practices and positive habits- like meditation and doing it consistently instead of occasionally, etc., so I do not go back to emotional eating and have better tools for when I feel overwhelming or upsetting emotions. I did it for 44 years so I can do it again haha! I really really miss being active as that is my passion, my hobby, my mental relaxation, everything. But I can’t be active right now and fast- and this fast isn’t to lose weight- it is to no longer emotional eat when I am upset- so it is best to just rest and relax.

Kristy · August 22, 2020, 6:09pm

If you’re getting into meditation I highly recommend “The art of living” by Thich Nat Hanh. Or “Peace is every step”

Meditation/mindfullness is the best thing to “not do” Don’t just do something! Sit there!

Faina_Gersh · August 22, 2020, 6:10pm

Thank you, I love him! I am a huge Thich Nat Hanh fan. I have meditated for many years- but not consistently. My focus is to make it a daily habit- like brushing my teeth or being active - another element of daily self care.

Faina_Gersh · August 22, 2020, 8:32pm

30 reasons why homework:

to feel my feelings instead of numbing them
to feel freedom
to feel present in my body
to comfortably climb new mountains again
to comfortably get back and start lifting again when gyms open
to not feel like I have to hide- I am an athlete and I have not wanted people to see me the past 8 months and see what has happened to me physically/emotionally
to be proud of myself for overcoming
to fit comfortably in my clothing again!
to not be afraid of food and have a healthy relationship again
to feel comfortable around my partner again
to be a good role model for my daughter
to cook again
to bake again
to stop stepping on the scale
to stop wishing I was somewhere else than where I am - meaning a different weight/body
to comfortably go out to eat again
to feel light physically and emotionally
to feel detoxed physically and emotionally
to feel attractive again
to stop feeling like life is on hold and live life to its full extent again
to feel sexy again
to help others overcome through my experience
to not feel like a slave to my emotions or be afraid of them
to love myself fully- i have started this already regardless of my fast
to accept myself fully- i have started this already regardless of my fast
to feel like I am strong
to feel like I am aligned with my highest self
to feel like my inner values and my actions are in alignment
to feel clear minded
to come home to me

Stacia · August 22, 2020, 8:40pm

I could put my name on every one those too ! Nice list …we can do this, together is seeming much easier !!

Faina_Gersh · August 22, 2020, 8:41pm

thank you Stacia! ands yes together we will make it!