About:
I’m a 39 year old female, recovering from chronic Major Depression. I have been diagnosed since I was 21. I’m not married and childless. This new phase of my life is extremely scary because 1) my father is in palliative stage 2) my mother is chronically ill but functioning rather well compared to me, 3) I’m jobless and living with my parents while I recuperate. I desperately need to reset my life to a new, better direction.
I decide to embark on water fasting after hearing success stories from Dr. Alan Goldhammer. This is NOT simply a weight loss journey although I have struggled with that since teenage years and weight gain due to depression does make things worst. I have low self esteem and lack confidence due to inability to do simple things like wake up and sleep on time. I don’t have enough energy to exercise vigorously and being so heavy gives me back and knee pain.
I’m reclaiming my HEALTH!!! Major depression is related with systemic inflammation, dysregulated stress system and autonomic nervous system, gut health not to mention psychosocial factors. I’m focussing on changing the biological aspects through water fasting. From a spiritual perspective, fasting is extremely beneficial so I’m more motivated to purge old memories and renew.
Past experiences with healthy lifestyle changes:
• Had tried keto and Atkins (successful but difficult to maintain due to love for diverse kinds of foods).
• Fasted last year when on a meal replacement plan using a special weight loss cookie enriched with enzymes and nutrition (60cal each/meal). I lasted 3 days and really struggled. I went from 88+ kg (194lbs) to 78kg (171kg) in less than 2 months. After the 3 day fast, I was consuming low calorie foods plus the cookie. But I couldn’t persevere due to mood swings and increased appetite before menstruation. After one year, I’m back to 84kg (185lbs). A lot of this weight is due to water retention as my body is still in an unhealthy state.
• Most success came from calorie counting when I was 20 years old. Went from 70kg (154lbs) to 59.5kg (130 lbs). I restricted myself to about 800-1200 cal/day and exercised rigourously. It was fun exercising but I remember having intense binge moments. Biggest problem was the weight didn’t stay off for long. I started regaining within a year due to all kinds of stress (death of grandma, relocated to a new country, college life).
• After diagnosis with Major Depression, weight became unpredictable like the weather depending on the type of medication I was prescribed. The past 5-8 years have been the worst in terms of weight gain. Had tried IF, juicing, low carb, OMAD, weight training in the gym. Best success was 6 years ago when I went from 76kg down to 70kg (154lbs) with the help of a personal gym trainer but a relapse totally put me back to zero.
• Today, I am 83.8 kg (36 hours of fasting).
Strengths:
• No matter how many times I failed, I will keep getting up. I cherish being healthy!
• The necessity to become healthy and functional is a huge motivator.
• Supportive mother (keeping food out of my sight)
• I really value HEALTH over vanity these days. Looking good is a secondary outcome from feeling great! But I know looking good also helps one to feel great.
• Well-informed about the science of fasting (not sure if it’s useful)
Weaknesses:
• Years of unhealthy relationship with food (emotional eating, binge eating)
• Genetics (my mother and her parents struggled with weight gain all her life. All 4 late grandparents had metabolic diseases like diabetes, hypertension.)
• Hormonal imbalances and depressive symptoms (poor motivation, lack of willpower, low energy, excessive sleep, changes in appetite, comfort eating)
• Poor gut health (bloating, indigestion)
Short-term goal:
• better discipline and self-control
• more energy to be active
• ‘detox’
• better sleep and wakefulness (reduce symptom severity and more good days)
Long-term goal:
• free from symptoms (lethargy, sluggishness, excessive daytime sleep, insomnia, cyclical mood swings, dark thoughts, indigestion, acne breakout before periods)
• reset my hormonal imbalances
HEALTH IS WEALTH!
• free from antidepressant
• reach target weight (60kg), BMI: 23.7
Ideal heavenly weight: 55kg (121lbs) to give room for fluctuations
Height: 159 cm (5’ 3")
Current weight: 83.8 kg (184lbs)
Current BMI: 33.9 (obese)
As long as I’m healthy, active and optimally functional, it’s fine if I don’t reach the target weight. Usually, the weight drops nicely when I’m back to my healthy, active self (symptom-free).
Mantra:
I am Divine. This body is a temple. Brighten it with light and keep it clean.
Health is wealth. I’m healthy, I’m wealthy
I’m success