Stacias Journal

[Stacia]

Hi all … well I got up at 6am and literally said to myself “no fu*king way will I not have coffee”… haha … omg, just so hot and delish at 6am …

I also thought I’d do like I did when I quit sugar … I waited for no one to be home and I sat on my living room floor with a giant bag of chips and salsa and had my going away party for it … a party of one (besides my little dog that just looked at me like wtf, you fat pig) … (not nice words, I know)… but when I binge it’s not pretty, I visualize the Cookie Monster on Sesame Street with crumbs flying every direction as I cram food in my face.

Not pretty … grrr

Anyhow, the good news is my chip party is over, the evidence has been thrown out. Now I’m like wow, what should I eat moving forward ? Should I do another water fast? Should I make a meal schedule and plan? Feel a little stumped but DAMN IT, I will NOT eat wheat/bread/glutten, sugar or chips … not now, not ever again … nope. Done. 5/12/21

[Miramar]

@Stacia

I will NOT eat wheat/bread/glutten, sugar or chips … not now, not ever again … nope. Done. 5/12/21

Oh My! Do you see all of these as trigger foods? If your body feels better when you avoid these things then go for it.

You know, I’m pretty sure there’s a recipe for gluten free chips, and you could make your own salsa.

There’s also a corn flavoring - I’ve not tried it. I’m guessing they use that in the butter popcorn flavor jelly bellies ( one of my favorites).

IDK. The reason I went to fasting was so I could indulge on occasion - but I understand that you and Liz have a slightly different war you’re fighting and need different arsenal.

Look at you posting in your journal again!

[Miramar]

@lizgistics

you know i don’t want to cook but seems like i’m going to have to

@lizgistics
There’s ways to make this fun!

[lizgistics]

i find this hard to believe :-

[lizgistics]

i’m only on telegram b/c yas sets up a group chat for each new week’s fasting challenge (the one you pay for). it’s very helpful. have you done one of yas’s groups?

[lizgistics]

i don’t think your dog thinks you are a fat pig. just sayin’

good for you! so you’re cutting out coffee and chips all at once?

[Stacia]

Hi Liz/all, I just can’t seem to leave my one big ol yummy morning coffee … without it I have zero desire to get out of bed . So I had that today.

I made it alllllll day without glutten/sugar/chips!! Woo hoo … day one down. I had a medium size plate of rice/black beans and salsa with a ton of lettuce … it was sooo good and filling. Not junk food/binge satisfying like I crave when I’m stressin or bored or anxious but it will do for today. I gotta just get thru the day for now ya know? No idea what I’ll do when that craving really hits but honestly I will tie my hands together to keep me from driving to the store if I have to. I read on this food addiction web site that all you have to do is not take that 1 first bite.

Anything but that bite !! Gotta start living life (as is) and not running from emotional or physical uncomfort … we got this ladies !!! I hope everyone is doing well today … one day at a time !!

[Miramar]

@Stacia

I hope everyone is doing well today

May you have the most fabulous marvelous and wonderous day. Because all we really have is today and now.

[Stacia]

Thank you Miramar!! You too my friend!! Feeling good today so far! No cravings?! What?? Imagine that … will post later as every hour is different

[lizgistics]

Great job Stacia! yes, don’t take the first bite! just like in AA - just don’t take that first drink. what’s the food addiction website? I’ll check it out. Congratulations. Keep it up! i am proud of you!

[Miramar]

"it’s very lonely living in an overweight body, it’s like no one sees you. The crazy part is there is comfort in that"

@Stacia

I swear part of this weight gain is not the food it’s the sub concious fear of what?

Change is uncomfortable. Fear of change. Your body has been programmed and is telling your head what to do.

[Miramar]

What did I miss?

[Stacia]

Good morning all … I havnt posted in awhile as I’ve been on a road trip to San Francisco down hwy 101… omg, it was the most beautiful scenery I’ve ever seen in my life !!! I highly recommend it !! With covid and all the lock downs I had noooo idea how much I needed this. I didn’t think of covid once … it was amazing. Spent a lot of time at the ocean with fresh air! Ahhh… I’ve lived in a major city my whole life and I tell ya, I’m so over the concrete and traffic and dirty air. Ugh.

One of the biggest blessings (there were many) is I didn’t even obsess on food or weight !! Thats what I normally think about 24/7. And I lost 8 pounds!!! Unreal. I’ve had vacations where I ate junk all day everyday (think elephant ears and fudge and greasy burgers with fries). I mostly focused on Caesar salad (I think I ate one everyday … so heavenly and low carb. Guess what?!! No corn chips (been my last obsession for 6 months every single day )… I havnt had any since 5/21!! That’s 10 Days!! And I don’t crave them !!!

I’ve now quit sugar and glutten (since 10/19) … corn chips was my go to obsession since (honestly nacho cheese flavored Doritos was my first addiction at about age 12 so it’s pretty crazy how corn chip addiction has been with me my entire life. Never have I gone 10 days (except during my 9 day water fast - that was the longest). I know corn chips sounds like a joke when you think of addiction but it was no joke to me. You could easily find me in a dark parking lot at 11pm chowing down on a huge family size bag like a crazy women. Never ever in front of people - binging has been my secret “me” time daily for yearrrrssss. To me corn chips (sugar and wheat products) is no different from craving and addicted to booze or drugs. Just not as dangerous … thankfully or I would of been living on the streets long ago.

I realized after years of obsession and binging I couldnt ever have “just a little” or “only on vacation”. It’s always been all or nothing for me. I have to completely quit it 100% or I stay in craving hell.

Anyhow !!! 10 days. I was eating mostly vegan this past few months (makes more sense to me) but the weight comes off much faster when I lower my carbs (it has to be body chemistry)…

I plan to do a little fasting with one cup of coffee in the AM and tea later in the day. If I get super hungry every few days I’ll have a Caesar salad (just so good and satisfying!!)

Love you guys, hope all is well … how about we all reach our goals this summer

[lizgistics]

That’s awesome! 10 days! you know i know that is an amazing accomplishment. so proud of you. glad you got to take a nice trip. and no food obsession to boot. i’m truly so happy for you and inspired that i could recover from my binging too. god bless Ms. Stacia!

[Stacia]

Thank you Liz!! I’m glad you’re here, you will recover from this, I know it (we all can), I think it comes down to finding alternatives to eating “at” things … I’ve been the queen of it for my whole life. Sugar and junk food works, it makes us feel better. I think the trip with all the scenery and the distraction (and the trip had zero work assigned to it) made me realize I mostly crave food when anxious or overwhelmed (plus the pure physical craving)… read the “doctors opionion” in the big book of alcoholic annonymous (I think it’s called that)… it’s only one page … it helps me know our bodies can’t handle alcohol or sugar (many times both)…

All my life I knew I had to quit the crap foods but it’s been the hardest part of my life to deal with (oh the love hate of it all)… I went through a divorce and lost my mom in the same month and believe it or not the sugar/carb cravings, binging, isolation, weight gain have been harder!!! And I loved my mom more than anything and broken hearted over divorce so what does that tell ya? Food addiction is literally hell on earth.

I know I’m not being super healthy even now … I’m living on salmon Caesar salad everyday but I have zero (holy crap… zero!!!) carb cravings but I don’t have a ton of energy (lack of carbs) and that sucks … one day at a time my friend !! we can do this!!!

[waywardcompass]

@Stacia

what if we accepted the uncomfort and sat through it, observed if?

EXACTLY what I needed to hear during my fast! Thank you!

Oh, and PS: salmon caesar salads are like my very favorite thing, ever.

[Stacia]

I’m telling you one GIANT Caesar salad everyday and the weight is coming off !! And it’s soooooo good