Had a good hard think about this, and it resulted in a wall of text hehe. Well, this is MY diary so I can get as lengthy as I like I suppose XD
Intro
I got overweight as a kid and have been struggling with food and weightloss ever since. I have some traumatic baggage from growing up, and as I’m getting older I can see how a lot of my problems are interconnected, and a lot of it boils down to my issues of anxiety and judging myself too hard.
One thing I love about being in my 30’s is I’ve been able to forgive myself easier now, finding ways to like myself a lot more, and I feel ready to do this for real this time and finally start properly enjoying my life.
Why?
Because I want to feel comfortable. I want to not have to feel constantly like I’m in a rush, always thinking about how I can escape whatever feeling I’m dealing with, and not feeling like things are never enough (food, my own accomplishments etc)
I want to feel like I’m in control of myself, slow down and actually feel like I’m living and making my own choices.
Short term and long term goals.
First short term goal is to get into the double-digit kilos on the scale (currently 101kg)
Next is to get below 90kg (which will be a total weightloss of 20kg for me since the start of october)
Long term I would like to weigh 72kg.
Struggles I’ve faced.
Emotional eating for any and all occasions (celebrating, angry, sad, bored, etc)
But my biggest obstacle is anxiety and stress, which has been a big issue for me for many years.
I’ve tried therapy, hypnosis, meditation, herbal medicine. It’s a work in progress.
A result from my stress problems is I’ve had pretty severe insomnia for a long time. I’ve recently seen some improvements from making some home improvements also (new mattress, weighted blanket, light-blocking blinders. Also I think fasting itself helps) so I feel a bit more motivated. 
My game plan.
My plan is to do the opposite what I usually do; I will start by addressing my biggest weaknesses and tailor the plan to set myself up for success with as little struggle as possible.
Every now and then (perhaps once a month) I’ll do an extended fast for a couple of days (or more) I see it as a way to boost a slow weight loss, or kickstart motivation and not lose focus of my goals.
When I’m eating I want to do keto 16:8 or keto OMAD during weekdays, with weekends being optional for how I choose to eat. I think the IF is good for calorie restriction for me, and the freedom of not having to think of food so often will hopefully make me feel less stressed as well, and keto will keep me feeling full.
The flexibility part of it is to counteract two triggers for me: feeling ”deprived” of certain foods, and social situations popping up.
If there’s a party coming up or I’m having severe cravings, I can tell myself that it’s okay for me to have that thing, so long as I wait til the weekend.
Another plan might result in more rapid weightloss perhaps, but for me I think this is the best long term choice. I will definitely lose weight this way, but there is enough leniency it won’t be a real challenge to commit to it.
How do I feel?
Right now I feel hopeful. I’m already down 10kg from the last water fast I did, earlier this month. I feel stoked that it went to fast, and that I’ve been able to keep it off (after 3-4 kilos of ups and downs)
What I like most about this approach is that I’m ALLOWED to skip meals if I’m not hungry or simply don’t have the time or energy to cook.
Just knowing that it’s fine makes me so happy, because my other big enemy other than stress and anxiety, has always been brain fog and lethargy, which I almost always get from the bad instant food I usually buy (from being too stressed to think about cooking)
So, instead of going emotionally from one extreme to the other every day, I might be able to land somewhere in the middle where I am calm but still have energy.
How will I feel once I’ve reach my goal?
Calm. Light. Awake. Living life more slowly and fully, but not being tired all the time. Being more at ease and not so easy to take offense or find things difficult.
I will feel proud of having made it here after all these years, and feel confident that I can trust myself.
Daily affirmation
I am beautiful and capable.
I am tenacious and reliable.
I am optimistic and excited.
Had hoped to be clearly 99kg today, but the stubborn needle points just ever so slightly behind the 100 mark, it’s frustrating! XD
