Rebecca's journal :)
Day 7/24* (I know I have been saying 22 days of my protocol, however, I will be refeeding the morning/afternoon of July 24th, making my time frame extend by 2 days).
I started this turn around June 26th after two days of bbqing and an onslaught of treats. The morning of June 26th was a Friday. On Fridays I host a zoom call workout with my sister and SIL. They were talking about their weih in weight etc and I was thinking, well I will weigh in Monday, to allow time to shred off the carbs I ate the previous few days. I decided that I wouldnât HIDE from what I did and weighed myself that morning and was 171.6. I was pissed, but not surprised. My bodyâs set point is 172 if you havenât read any of my other entries. I was just 161 the week prior! Three and a half days of fun eating and boomâŠ10 pounds upâŠreally??? Wtf.
Yup, Iâm in the same position as you. 1-3 days of carefree eating can make me gain about 10 lbs. Ugh⊠
Day: The end.
I broke my streak to 21 days in day 8. I refed with browned ground beef. And now I have so much damn energy I donât know what to do, except keep cleaning, organizing and lift weights. Starting over tomorrow. Decided not to weigh myself until July 23rd. Just by making that mental shift, it has put my focus on actually changing my physical appearance. I have also opted to to the pool the few nights and I am loving it! Not only do my kids love it, but i can get such a lovely workout with lots of stretching. I love the resistance the water gives to every move activating all kinds of muscles and if you consciously tread every minute in the water then you can burn a lot of calories. I also like all the vitamin D i am getting. Also, our pool is salt water and not chlorine so it leaves my skin feeling so soft. My face skin has never looked better than it does today in the last 2.5 years. THAT makes me happy! I feel so good. I am loving how I am looking. My goal was to look good naked. And thatâs why i figured 145 would be a good weight. But i am already starting to look good on the olâbday suit, so I am super excited to see what i will look like 15 pounds lighter 
I like this no weighing in thing.
Yes! Isnât it frustrating!
Today is July 11th, Day 15 since I ferv.ently decided to get my shit in gear to hit my weightloss and fitness goals inhave for myself this summer.
Since breaking my 21 day streak in day 8, I have had three days of eating: 1) keto OMAD, 2) Keto OMAD 3) 16:8 keto. Not bad IF that was my plan. I hate being in this limbo place. I see a pattern though. Often times when I break a fast before completion I have full intentions of getting right back into my fast, however, most of the time I sputter. I sputter for many reasons, these seem to be the too ones:
Plan failure emotions
Family likes connecting with me through eating
Also, I have to admit, nearly 100% of the time I break a fast is because I end up smoking some weed. I end up smoking a little bit because of some emotional upset or disturbance. This is where I need to fix something. I have got to overcome this crutch (weed) once and for all. I am NEVER successful in saying no to food/eating after I smoke. Now, that doesnât mean i turn into some sort of garbage disposal when i have smoked, it just means that if I had made the choice to not eat or fast, while under the influence, that just goes away. Iâll try and resist the urge to eat, but I fail practically 100% of the time. So since January of this year I have probably thrown all of my stuff away at least 5 times. Most recently I was in about a 3 week stretch of not using the stuff, but then about almost 2weeks ago, I caved with the emotional pressure of the trial I had no time to prep for. Although I won the trial, just the experience of having to face something that has been so traumatic in my past caused enough emotional disturbance to push me to smoke a little weed again which eventually causes me to break my fast.
The emotions that follow after a plan failure lead me to feel lost, aloof, random. I have noticed that in this state, I donât lose weight. I have noticed that when I am focused and on a plan, I will lose weight. So even if I am eating under calories, in the aloof, random state, i will not lose weight.
So here I am, 3 days off plan, but on a new day. I am over 12 hours fasted. I can continue my fast through July 23rd AS PLANNED or not. I want to continue, but I feel like a fuck up. Those feelings get in the way. I am choosing to write this out as a way to hopefully overcome this bullshit. People say to remind yourself of your âwhys.â Well, my why is pretty clear: weightloss, smaller size. I think it is time to expand my whys. Hopefully that will help me stick to my plans. Right now, I just want to get through my next 7days, today another day 1.
This photo is of me when I started with Fast Forward to Health back in October 2019 and me today. Iâve got to say, I do feel sexier and stronger. I do feel closer to my goals now than ever before. My skin does feel and look better. I am smaller all around. I have no clue how much I weigh because I decided to stop weighing myself, which I am kind of liking.
day 3: (July 13, 2020)
Today I woke up feeling good. I went to bed in a pretty pissy mood. For some reason, I am not emotionally tolerating having to cook three meals a day for my family that does a half-assed job doing their dishes. This is where the cycle seems to start- my emotions get disturbedâŠin this case, the pressure of having to cook and clean on little energy. The pissed off feelings trigger me to want to smoke a little weed to take the edge off. And what then happens is that the first initial part of the mood change from the weed, I wonât want ANYTHING to eat. But after the high subsides, THEN it becomes this very uncontrollable thing. And THAT is the cycle I AM SICK OF!!! So my journey has morphed into something more than just self control with foodâŠbut with my EMOTIONS which essentially leads to lack of self control with my eating. I have pretty much proved that I can control myself with food. Otherwise I would have just ballooned back to the 250 lbs I once was. But instead I have stayed very consistent with my weight and fluctuations. I just want to weigh less, not fluctuate/maintain the same 160/170. I feel like I am graduating to a higher level of control over myself, my mind and my thinking. I have got to find other ways to cope.
You may feel you are struggling but I want you to know how much it helped me . I am feeling a lot of the same ways . My daughterâs refusal to clean her animals cages really aggravates me today . More than it usually would if I could stuff it down with food.
It also helps me to know someone who was once close to my weight has lost it and kept it off . I donât know if it helps but that is a HUGE accomplishment. You should take a moment to feel some pride in doing it for yourself and helping others to do it by being real.
Hi Amber! Wow, thank you for your kind words! It has been such a long time since I stopped by the forum. I am so sorry I didnât see this sooner. I so appreciate that you took the time to read a part of my journey and it just warms my heart that my struggles and triumphs have helped you. Yes, it IS possible to maintain a big weight loss. It just requires more NOâs than yesâs to indulgent food choices.
Wow, 4 months since posting here? Boy how time FLIES. I did have quite the eventful blast four months. A lot of huge stressors that I might not have coped with perfectly (if there is such a thing), but I did overcome. I am so proud to say that I overcame a pretty big demon of fear this October. I had to face my ex husband in court. I couldnât imagine even being there without trembling. I worked so hard to face this without fear and I did! I literally had no fear in court that day and i still donât. So much has changed for me emotionally overcoming such a huge issue in my life. I feel so much more free. I noticed that after the big court day I just looked prettier. I chalked it up to the big load of stress off of me caused me to feel and look less haggered lol.
Last month also marks a year for being apart of the FFTH family. Below I have posted my 1 year gains/maintenance from starting here to the one year mark. Today I am 36!hours in to my 7 day fast. I feel really good so far, I pray that continues.
Whatâs wild about these pictures is I actually weigh a pound more in my most recent photo! But I am wearing smaller clothes. Fasting really has transformed my body composition and has really helped my hormones balance tremendously. I have heard a lot of woman complain about losing their boobs from the weight loss, but my boobs actually went up a half size.