My fasting journal

[molly_gonzales]

I

Day 2 of 25
’m embarrassed to admit, even to myself, that this is my 30th attempt in the last few months. Ironically, I never quit due to hunger or cravings, rather, it’s boredom or social pressure. I have 9 children and 10 grandchildren. At 49 years of age I am (still) a young grandma. I have plenty of energy and desire to keep up with all these wonderful kids- yet, shame keeps me from doing so.
Most of my life I’ve been tall and thin. I stand 5’ 8” and typically weighed 135-145. Yet, 4 years ago I underwent a complete hysterectomy and double mastectomy. I felt as if my womanhood had been stripped away overnight. Menopause set in with a vengeance.
I gained 25lbs. And even worse, I have developed a terrible binge eating disorder. It’s not uncommon for me to have a perfect keto day- all macros in check- then find myself eating an entire sleeve of Biscoff cookies at 11pm. And it doesn’t stop there… I have a terrible habit of telling myself that the damage is already done so I might as well enjoy all the forbidden treats. I hate that I have this lack of self control and self sabotaging behavior. I don’t want to have this volatile relationship with food. I want to respect my body and respect the food I feed it. I want to relearn my body’s cues and listen when I’m full. I want to take charge over boredom driving me to binge. I don’t want to perpetuate this all or nothing relationship with food. It’s ok to have one cookie! And I don’t need to eat them all right now because it’s ok to have one cookie tomorrow, too!
Of course I look forward to the weight loss, but my motivation is largely to relearn how to respect food. That may sound silly but I earnestly have a volatile love/hate relationship with food.
I am on day 2 of my fast and truly feel just fine. More than anything I am terrified of failing. Also, I will take my weight tomorrow. I have truly been too afraid. I’m afraid the number will cause me to feel defeated and give up.

[Compdude]

Welcome to our fasting community!

Technical note: to keep future entries on this single thread, click on reply in the lower right hand corner.

For myself, I spent 14 days breaking my refined carbohydrate addiction since from my research I discovered that was the #1 reason people broke their fast or got off the rails on their refeed. As they will give into cravings during a fast or binge during refeed.

Once I did that I accepted the fact that I WILL continue to enjoy “sweets” but on my own terms. Now that I had broken my addiction and changed my taste palate. I can have a “sweet” and NOT go on a binge.

Hope this helps!

[molly_gonzales]

Day 3 begins. Feel fine. Though, admittedly bored. I recognize that I often eat out of boredom. Hoping to kick this habit. Instead, I’ve been turning to tea. Delicious all on its own. I also notice that drinking water upon waking causes some nausea. Small sips.
I’ve made it to day 5 many times, so day 3 isn’t much of a milestone for me. However, it is progress. Finally, I was so tempted to eat the broccoli and butter I prepared as a side to last nights chicken and rice. I began rationalizing that it’s keto, it’s a vegetable, it’s largely water based… BUT- I did not. I enjoyed the wonderful aroma and stepped away. I have not told my family of my fast. They would not be supportive. Instead, albeit dishonest, I claim to be ill, full, or already have eaten. I know. Not ideal. Yet, I can deal with this a bit later. For now I continue to focus on what I need.

[Compdude]

Wise decision. When I began the only person who knew, besides my mom who was supportive, was my pastor as I needed someone to be accountable to on a weekly basis. We went public after it became obvious.I was losing a lot of weight.

[molly_gonzales]

Day 4. Feel fine. Drinking sparkling water and taking salt/mineral pills- vegan, calorie and sugar free. Helps with energy but causes frequent trips to the bathroom. Checked my weight finally this AM. That was super fun… no, no it wasn’t.
Nonetheless, at least I can monitor progress. I want to do a pic today for comparison when I complete my fast. Yet, I don’t have any full length, or even torso height, mirrors. I suppose I could set up my phone in ‘selfie’ mode. Ugh.
I don’t feel tired or ill. I did feel sort of spent following my circuit training last night. Decided to keep most cardio out of my circuit training and focus on weight training with excellent form. So, rather than increasing weight or reps, I’ll focus on form. This helps me stay busy and enjoy the training.
After this initial fast I would like to add a regular fasting regimen to my schedule. I naturally eat OMAD as eating breakfast literally increases my hunger throughout the day. If I eat lunch, same thing. I get hungry and tend to binge eat the rest of the day. Additionally, I’m not hungry in the morning. When I do eat it’s generally because my husband wants to go to breakfast, or has made me breakfast etc… Like I mentioned in day 1, I often feel compelled to eat because of social and family pressure/expectations. Not because I’m actually hungry.
I enjoy reading others journals. It is motivating and interesting. Yet, I also find some motivation in the post of many who have started the journey and then disappeared. I don’t want this to be me.
Physically and mentally I feel fine. No weird breath, yet lol. Well, shit, maybe I do have halitosis and don’t realize it?! Oh, also I soak in a tub of epson salts and notice I feel somewhat energized after a soak?
Good day and best wishes to all.

[molly_gonzales]

Yup. I’m that guy (well, girl). Bombed at day 5 when my kids made me buttered broccoli. So, I stuck to keto (which I typically do anyway) and took a few days to reflect on why? Why did I really give up? I needed to do this and I’m glad I did. I mean, the very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I need to change my plan, my reaction, my thinking… I have created a stop/pause sort of agenda that I think will help me.
So, last night at 1AM I started again. More determined and better prepared.

[molly_gonzales]

I’ve been watching Yasemin’s YouTube videos and her “no more bullshit” really hit a nerve. In a positive way. I rationalize my eating. I rationalize my diet. I rationalize my failures. It’s my pattern and it’s painful.
Here, in my journal feed are already 2 or 3 false starts, or fails… yup, I have tried and failed numerous times.
But, I’m back. Trying again.
A couple days in now and feeling sort of free right now.
I have a question for the group? Last go around I quit due to extreme excess salivating-,sounds odd I know. But it wasn’t a response to hunger or smells or craving. Rather, it was happening at night as I read or watched movies. This awful constant swallowing. Unbearable. Anybody else have this weird issue??
Moving ever forward.

[Compdude]

Interesting. Never heard of it before.

Question. Do you usually snack on something reading or watching movies at night?

[molly_gonzales]

You know what? I do! Matter of fact, typically I eat very little, if at all, until 8 or 9pm. How did I not connect this lol?!?! So, now I know that every time I turn on a movie or open a book I’ll trigger a Pavlovian response lmao.

[molly_gonzales]

Day 3. I know this is the easy part. I can get to day 5 quite easily. It’s that day, the fifth day that is my obstacle. So until then, I’ll continue drinking water, I also drink electrolytes (get hella migraines if I don’t) and preparing for the day 5 mental excuses.
It’s 7am here in Utah. Been up since 6. Cleaned up the house a bit, drank coffee, doing some meditation, then considering taking a walk. It’ll give me a few minutes to be alone which rarely happens in my home. My twins are 12 and my teenager is 17. I swear to you I am Magneto and they are all assembled of steel. Wherever I am, there they are.
I’ll check in again later. I need some momentum as I approach that maniacal day 5…

[Van]

Cheering you on @molly_gonzales!!!

[molly_gonzales]

Thank you😊. I need all the cheers!!

[molly_gonzales]

Another day nearly complete. Not hungry but getting that awful metallic taste in my mouth. Ew. No side effects other than that.
I suppose I should weigh in. But, I think I’ll weight (see what I did there?) until Friday. I know my start weight, no sense get in’ all scale obsessed just yet.
Took a nice walk with my brother and daughter tonight. We likely would have walked further has my dogs behaved better. 2 of them are old and 1 is a pup- the pup leads the ‘asshole’ parade every time. I can’t tell you what a pain in the ass this dog is. In her short 7 month life she has eaten 3 ps4 remotes, eaten (yes, EATEN) two memory foam mattresses, a ceiling fan remote, the corner of the leather sofa, my wool rug, numerous pairs of shoes and my neighbors chicken. If I didn’t love her precious face I might just murder her. Ahhh, I digress.
Good night and God speed.
I added some photos of my douchey dogs for your viewing pleasure…

[schmidtsmia]

I have heard of excess salvia, but never had this symptom. I bet it will pass soon.

[molly_gonzales]

Beginning day 4. Shit’s about to get real.

[schmidtsmia]

I am on day 3 and as of tomorrow, I am sure I will be thinking/saying the saaaame thing, lol. After a week, my body is on cruise-control…but first have to work through those bugs…I am also not going to weigh myself until a week is done, so I am weighting (see what I did there? LOL), too!!! Hey, but I noticed that the extra tire is getting smaller already, thank you Jesus!

[molly_gonzales]

Still hanging in here. Not hungry- but I will admit this is sorta boring lol.

[molly_gonzales]

Today is the dreaded day 5. I’ll make it. I have to. Update again soon.

[molly_gonzales]

Still here. It’s been a tough day. Made the mistake of taking an 800 ibuprofen and spent hours nauseated AF. Following the nausea I was shaky and just felt general malaise.
Still feel pretty blah. I hope I’ll feel better tomorrow.

[schmidtsmia]

Oh, Molly, you poor baby! Ibu has to be taken on a full stomach, yikes! When it first came out, in the 1980s, I took it after I jammed my right knee into a corner of a drawer, and I ended up going to the ER with such pain in my tummy. THAT was a serious lesson for me. I am now on the beginning of day five, and it is so-far, so-good. I hope you feel better today.