Hi! I’m Moon, and I’m exceptionally longwinded, so below I have a short and long version of my “why” to embark on this extended fast.
I’ve always been interested in the mental and physical benefits of fasting, and I’ve had a TON of false starts, but this time I’m doing the thing.
I’ve also included some basic biometric stats toward the end of this first post. Fellow short girls, let me know if you’re out there!
A note: I started today, 10/27, at about 6:30pm, so I think I’m starting about three-quarters of a day late, but I’m here! 
SHORT WHY:
I was super-fit for a hot minute about three years ago, but a combination of stress and an increasing lack of time have taken a toll on my body. As a result, I’ve got a ton of mental and physical stressors that I’m ready to get rid of.
I’m not buying larger pants this winter. I’m going to save money, get my health back, and get back to the gym so I can feel strong and lift heavy again.
LONG WHY:
For the first 20-ish years of my life, I had no issues with my weight. I was relatively active (although not particularly sporty). My diet wasn’t great, but I managed to eat very intuitively and kept my portions well in check.
But of course, like most college students, I steadily gained weight throughout undergrad and graduate school.
After managing to secure a decent job after finishing my master’s degree–which happened to be during the recession and which was an awful ten or so months which likely contributed to a portion of my weight gain–I got a trainer and fell in love with weightlifting.
I left the trainer behind after about three months, but I kept up with lifting. I was obsessed. I loved feeling strong. I loved seeing new muscles. I got tiny. I’d been tiny the vast majority of my life, but this time I got SUPER-tiny. I was more or less shredded, and obsessed with counting calories and tracking macros. I kept cutting. I wanted to see abs, DANG it. It got…bad. Really unhealthy.
Then I had a minor medical procedure, which was nothing serious, but required me to be out of the gym for some time. It was kind of a miracle, because it broke that obsessive, wildly unhealthy disordered mentality I’d been living in for over a year.
But then I got REALLY lax. I didn’t want to go back to the gym. I loved lifting weights but it brought a lot of those disordered habits and mentality back that I thought I’d managed to get away from.
And instead of working through those feelings in a healthy way, and continuing working out in the way I loved to do, I just didn’t really go back to the gym. I also started taking on a lot of additional responsibilities at work, which meant I couldn’t always take my lunch break like I used to be able to to trek down to the gym and get my workout in. But I absolutely used that as an excuse–there were definitely days I could’ve gone to the gym but didn’t because I was just too mentally exhausted.
And then too embarrassed the few times I did try to get back into the gym. The magic seemed to have utterly gone. I was getting bigger. Not getting bigger muscles–just BIGGER. And horribly self-conscious.
And I’m always tired. Always out of breath. My heart races sometimes. My anxiety is dangerously close to out of control. I’m embarrassed on my partner’s behalf at the cute little butterball I’ve become (although I hasten to say he is not at all embarrassed by me–but I embarrass MYSELF, and that’s a huge problem).
So anyway. I started sizing out of clothes. Eventually, even my “emergency bloat” clothes were too small.
And now it’s nearly winter, and I have literally no pants to wear.
But I refuse to buy new ones. I’m still paying off graduate loans, I’m working on a post-grad certificate program, and am committed to being debt free within the next two or three years. Ain’t no one, ESPECIALLY not me, got the time or money to buy new pants (and pay extra to have them hemmed for my short little legs).
BIOMETRICS:
Gender: Female
Height: 4’ 11"
(Yes, I am a hobbit.)
Current weight: 148.8 lbs
(Not a particularly large number, but painful on a hobbit-sized girl.)
Goal Weight: 105 - 110
(Really, I don’t care about the number. I just want to feel good and be happy with my body, and get back to building some muscle.)
“There’s been a change in the weather and a change in the sea. From now on, there’ll be a change in me!” 