Intro
Hi I am Melissa,
I have struggled my whole live with obbsessive compulsive behaviours, especially around food and poor body image. I worked in the Health & Fitness Industry for 7 years as a Personal Trainer and at the time were definitely the most capable and strongest Id ever been. Unfortunately I then took over management of a gym for the wrong people, being my biggest career mistake, being a gym with no staff to assist and owners who were uninvolved, a year later after doing so - had a complete burnout/breakdown for many unfortunate and reasons. Thus leading to a loss of 20 to 25kg of weight in muscle mass, dropping from 75kg of muscle down to 52kg of nervous breakdown material, over a period of just under a year. I began using very unhealthy coping methods as a way to feel better about myself and it developed into more serious issues, to which was when I was finally diagnosed (Feb last year) as having a nervous breakdown and with Borderline Personality Disorder & Obssessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. I began my path toward rehabilitation and recovery & have been doing much better over the past year. Thus tho, leading to a large amount of weight gain. Hovering back around the 75kg mark but this time of cushion, not muscle, losing all sense of self worth and confidence.
Why
After becoming a Christian while in rehabilitation back in April last year, I feel very prompted to by God this past few weeks to accomplish an extended fast, 21 days to be exact, for inner healing, improving my spiritual relationship & finding peace with myself.
I am also doing this because I dont feel good about myself at all, I struggle with body image issues and also have a very poor relationship with food that I feel it needs help quickly, before I really start to lose control. I lost alot of weight during the breakdown and have since gained 20kg that I would like to be able to lose atleast 15 of those finding a more balanced way of living. I would also like to come off my medication. Permanently.
Long Term and Short Term Goals:
Long term: Improve my eating behaviours and come off my medication. As mentioned I have Borderline Personality Disorder and OCPD & one attribute to both, is being an ‘all or nothing’ type personality, very black and white thinking, which means I fast well, but I binge well too… 
I want to improve my relationship with food for the longevity, lose weight and maintain a healthy weight with ease, eating in a much healthier way.
Short term: To set smaller target goals, this time, such as; 3 days, 5 days, 7 days, 10 days. Achieve this fast with my focus being on God & not myself. And ofcourse weightloss and improvement of body image.
What are some struggles you face or you have faced in the past
My husband lives a fly in fly out role, usually away for 2 weeks then home for 2 weeks & I do extremely well fasting when alone, max fast being 6 days (135hrs). But when he comes home for 2 weeks we tend to binge eat bad foods alot. This time he is away for a whole month and I am more determined than ever to regain control, cleanse, heal and have a complete reset from poor eating behaviours. I have no real challenges to face right now other than will power.
What is your game plan?
To quit sugar, completely reset my metabolism, lose these uncontrollable food cravings & regain full control of my eating habbits. Fortunately as mentioned I am now a christian & I am hoping to rely this time whole heartedly on my faith in God, spending more time meditating on and reading his word to get me through. Attempting this fast not with my body image in mind, but less of myself and more of God. The poor body image improval and weight loss will just be an added benefit to the healing I know that God will be at work at within. This time I am fasting for Him who I feel is prompting me into a full 21 day fast, I dont know why we are set on 21 days but we are.
How do I feel right now?
I dont feel good about my body at all. After attempting to regain a little weight, back in Nov last year by introducing daily eating habbits and going fully raw vegan/vegan, which then became vegetarian 3 months ago, then a full blown fasting/binge eating out of control ballooning barbarian. I dont feel good at all.
How will I feel once I achieve my goal?
I am hoping I will regain confidence in day to day living once more, confident enough to stop hiding my body, hopefully without being as self absorbed with poor body image as I have become in recent months. If I could achieve my goal weight of 60kg (height 165cm) I would feel very accomplished and happy within my own skin again.
Daily Affirmation
I am not my body, my body is just a vessel for me to experience life here on this beautiful Earth.
Have you already started your fast?