Hahahahaha I am here again. Almost done with Day 1 and I’m feeling more like myself now. It’s currently 6:30am as I am enjoying my breakfast tea and writing my journal. I don’t want to focus on weight, even though I do weigh myself every morning. Instead I want to focus on the mental side this time.
Feeling 
at the moment.
Hunger is at 
.
Back and shoulder inflammation pain level: 
.
More than 3 hours past Day 
.
Still feel awesome! 
Hunger is at .
Back and shoulder inflammation pain level: .
My hump usually is on Day 2 and 3, when I started to feel moments of weakness. The vicious cycle for me is that usually on Day 2 or 3, I broke the fast but not really wanted to, then I felt guilty for lacking enough willpower to stick to the plan. I got emotional and started binging because I think I’m going to have a long fast tomorrow. Then I fail again. The level of guilt can only be too much before I start to not trust myself anymore. Along with other stress I got from doing my grad school and the whole pandemic situation, all my feelings have spiraled down to depression and anxiety in the past 10 months. I gradually started to realize that I’m always a work in progress and I shouldn’t have expected me to be excellent at everything just after a few attempts. All I want is to be better at what I am now, and it maybe takes a while to get there, and it is okay.
I am staying strong now. But one thing I want to remind my future self: if I don’t get past day 2, it is okay because every fast is a good fast. Don’t beat yourself up and go on a feast just because you become emotional. Learn to say no to things you should say no to, and also learn to stand up where you fall down. Fasting is a tool for me to get some mental clarity and learn how to think, and remember that.