Jessica's fasting journal

Jessical · May 10, 2020, 10:02pm

I’m so glad I’ve found somewhere to express myself and feel safe and not judged. I have not spent much time on this forum yet as I only found it the other day but everything I’ve read so far has been really positive and everyone is really nice. I want to use this place to be open and honest and reflect on myself and be heard by like minded people. I do struggle in the real world with accepting myself and feel quite self conscious. I suffer with a personality disorder that can make my life really challenging at times, I’ve spent many years in therapy and have had to accept that this is the way that I am. I keep to myself and I don’t let people in the real world in so I keep myself quite safe. This disorder has created a lot of conflict in my marriage and I have some long term decisions I will need to make in the future.

As for my WHY - I love the clarity that I get from fasting, energetic, accomplished, can fit into clothes, less self conscious, feel more complete. I hide away from the world because I feel like I don’t look good. Say I go to the beach, I always think to myself that it would be so much better once I loose weight. Then I make plans to loose weight just so I can go to the beach and look good. I hide from photos and just life in general. I have a super busy job luckily so I have about 9 hours a day where I don’t think too negatively. Once I’m home and I stop that’s when all the negativity creeps in.

My short term goal is a 28 day water fast. I would like to get down to 60kg in this fast. I’ve done 8 days and 11 days before. I just need to set a date and hopefully find a buddy on here.

I struggle with chronic boredom and impulsive activity.

I’ve started reading about OMAD - really feeling like this would suit me. OMAD KETO. Omad is probably the only thing I have not tried. I have tried, shakes, Duramine pills, Juice fasting, Low carb, Vegan, Low fat, Atkins, 3 hours gym training per day, 5 small meals per day like bodybuilders, handful of grapes per day, 2 oranges per day, nutri bullet.

Right now I feel comfort in finding this forum. I feel good for getting this off my chest !! I’m 36 years old and I don’t want to keep putting this off.

Now I’m going to spend my morning reading up on all the info on this site and educating myself

Compdude · May 10, 2020, 10:20pm

Welcome to our fasting community!

Technical note: to keep future entries on this single thread, click on reply in the lower right hand corner.

Tenax · May 10, 2020, 10:25pm

Yes, you’ve found a safe place. OMAD is not a bad place to land. One of the things I like about OMAD + a high fat keto lifestyle plus calorie restricted is I have room to “cheat” occasionally & not feel guilty. Take today for example…I wasn’t feeling satisfied from my OMAD this morning at 6am. So I decided to have a nice 10oz bbq’ed striploin at 3pm. High protein, low fat. Fit in well. I am still only at 1600 calories, will still be in keto and I feel pleasantly satisfied and no guilt!!!

Jessical · May 10, 2020, 10:31pm

Yes you do feel more full eating Keto hey. I very rarely feel full, like I need to eat so much in order to feel full when I’m eating carbs. Like I can eat 3 sandwiches and keep going. Plus with Omad you dont need to cancel social events and just eat your one meal out. That’s the hard part with water fasting is that its so anti social.

Tenax · May 10, 2020, 11:54pm

Its the fat that makes you feel full…protein next. Carbs are the worst😄 Like how when you eat the chinese food and rice with the sweet sauces and or 2 hours later could eat more? Lol

Jessical · May 11, 2020, 10:03am

My brain hasn’t stopped thinking about fasting but I really don’t want to start till next Monday. I like to start my fasts when I’m working for 3 days in a row as I find those days the hardest to get through and work really helps with that. Work has been so busy I cancelled my annual leave that I was supposed to take and have just taken a few days off at end of this week to spend with family so will be too hard to fast.

Tenax · May 11, 2020, 10:46am

Well, I plan to start a fast next Monday if you need a buddy! Going to take it 5 days at a time

Jessical · May 11, 2020, 7:59pm

Yesss, a buddy would be amazing! Thanks

Overcomer · May 11, 2020, 8:24pm

Welcome Jessica, I will try my best to also do this. This is day 1 for me. All the best. Keep in touch.

Jessical · May 11, 2020, 8:40pm

Thanks!!! How many days are you doing?? I was thinking for my fast prep to write a list of the excuses I make for breaking my fasts. Not sure if that would be good to post on here or if it would be a trigger for some people and they might use one of the excuses. I don’t want to make It harder for anyone. What other mental prep do you guys do??

Jessical · May 11, 2020, 8:44pm

I’ve got a list of non food rewards that once I get to my goal weight I can have. Do you guys use a rewards system like that?

Tenax · May 11, 2020, 10:08pm

I have done rewards before but honestly, I expect fasting, short ones anyway will become a part of my life long term. It is kind of an addiction I think. I think my reward was becoming a better cook and buying a bunch of cooking stuff I never had! This next time, Getting below 220 my lowest weight that I can recall since my 20s should be a reward unto itself😁

Jessical · May 11, 2020, 10:45pm

Yes the weight loss itself is an amazing reward!!! I started a challenge in October to not purchase or spend any money on non essential things. No clothes, shoes, makeup, hair etc. I love the minimalist concept and watch ted talks on over consumerism which I find really interesting. You Can live without so many things that you think you need.

Jessical · May 11, 2020, 10:45pm

Oh back to my original point lol. Will splurge when I get to goal weight on a new outfit and hair cut:)

Noverturff · May 12, 2020, 5:27pm

I’m here for it too! Currently on day 2 and doing 30 days. It helps to know you are in it with other people that you can rely on to feel your pain lol but also to know you can keep going because you’re not alone.

Jessical · May 12, 2020, 8:19pm

Yes that’s great, I’m making a commitment to jump straight on here if I needed to distract myself and wait for the urge to pass. I’m pretty impulsive and one lesson they reach you In therapy is to ‘urge surf’. Going to be doing a lot of that!!

Jessical · May 12, 2020, 8:25pm

I just woke up and thought of 2 more why’s for fasting. One to spend more quality time with my daughter, I feel like we are together but usually just on our devices. The other one is more to do with having clarity to make some decisions, I really want to start studying but I have this overwhelming feeling like I’m going to fail so I never try.

Jessical · May 13, 2020, 9:59am

Really pumped to start my fast in a few days. Loving this forum, meeting great people and feeling so grateful right now

Tenax · May 13, 2020, 10:56am

Can’t wait to do it with you!

Jessical · May 16, 2020, 11:53pm

I’m going to list my emotional reasons why I’m doing this fast and what I really need healing from. I was madly in love with a man. He was the first person to make me feel ok with me just being me, I don’t have world’s for it. I could Just ‘be’ when I was with him. I’ve never felt that way, long story short, we ended up in court with me getting a DV put on him and a no contact order for 2 years. I’ve had counselling etc but I never felt like I really got over him. I often find myself day dreaming about what could be. Like even right now I’ve just come for a walk down to the rock jetty , looking out to the water remembering one morning sitting here with him watching the run rise. To have that with someone , to just ‘be’. No words just together. Every moment of my life I feel like I wish away, I wake up, quickly exercise, rush my daughter around getting ready for school, go to work, rush through everything, quickly get home. Shower, dinner, bed. Just to wake up next day and do it again. I do get joy from my work, I feel needed there. At home I don’t feel needed or wanted. I feel like it would make no difference if I never came home again to my husband. I know my daughter needs me and that is why I’m there. I don’t want her to have her go through a custody battle. This brings me so much sadness. I feel I need the clarity to make good decisions.

Reason 2 is my 9 year secondary infertility battle. It’s crushed me as a woman to not be able to fall pregnant and have a 2nd child. We have gone through many IVF procedures, spent a lot of money. My emotions range from sadness extreme madness. My husband copped it from me last year when a friend of his fell pregnant with twins, I completely lost it at him when i found out his mum made her baby clothes. I hated him in that moment. He doesnt understand how much it hurt me. We stopped IVF april 2019. I changed my mind earlier this year and we decided to go through IVF again as i felt like giving it one more shot. We did the forms and were kust waiting for my cycle date when CV19 struck. Now here i am, up and down like a yoyo with my daily emotions.