Irene's Daily Journal for March

[Lav]

I have now reached my highest weight at 15st 7lbs (approx - I haven’t weighed myself yet today).

I am a carb addict.

I guess I always have been, but I have also been very active having done dance, kickboxing and cycling.
I am also at my most inactive due to injuries, then work pressures.
This is something I see other people write about, so I know I am not alone on this one.
I need to get myself back - I look in the mirror and don’t recognize that person. That person finds it difficult to breathe going up the stairs and I am uncomfortable getting a decent sleeping position at night, plus I now snore more.

I need to do this for my health, but also for my own personal well being - I wan to look good again and get into all those nice clothes I have, that I cant even look at, as I feel so bad about myself.

I am off to get ready for work, but will pop in and write as I go along

[abby]

You’re doing awesome. We’re all in this together. Just keep on trying!!

[Kattystrong]

Keep strong!! Im on day 2 and wants to go beyond the 21 days. This group helps alot. We can do it, youll see.

[Lav]

Many thanks Abby for your support

[Lav]

Hi Kattystrong, many thanks, I am loving this group and the support is amazing
Yup, we can really do it
I would love to go beyond 21days, that’s an amazing goal

[Kattystrong]

Lets do it!!!

[Lav]

Yes

[Lav]

Dear All,
This is my accountability letter to myself, and the ‘why’s’ of starting the fasting journey.

I am starting this water fasting journey, or I really should say I am re-starting my journey.

As I have been here before – it’s very much ground-hog day. I have done up to 7-day water fastings with great success, as well as Keto which was a great part of my way of life.

I have also been very physically fit having done dancing, cycling, kickboxing and been a very keen gym goer for years.

However, life got very busy about 3 years ago. This resulted in life being totally work focused (I run two businesses and teach part time) and less on myself and less going to the gym, which I loved.

I then had to travel for one of my jobs and that involved eating whilst driving, compounded by the fact I was less physically active. I have now developed some binge eating habits, which has increased the past year.

Bang -result in weight gain.

I wouldn’t say I was particularly a slim person before, as I was pretty muscley, but I was fit and happy and able to wear some gorgeous and sexy clothes.

I am now very unhappy with how I look as well as how this extra weight makes me feel.

I really avoid mirrors and wear a lot of baggy jumpers, leggings, soft pull on bra etc, as these are the most comfortable to wear.

I don’t recognise the person that looks back at me in the mirror and I often ask ‘what have I become?’ or ‘where is that fit person I used to be?’,

I find it hard to get upstairs and my knees have really suffered. I have noticed that I have also developed a bit of a ‘waddle’ when I walk, due to the distribution of weight, as it has also affected my back.

I physically can’t afford for this not to succeed, as I only see a future where I become more physically unable, with all the added obesity related issues that go along with this weight gain.

Plus, I want to get in to all those amazing clothes I have in my cupboards at home.

I have lotsa clothes I can no longer wear, and I have some amazing stuff I want to get back in to.

I will be going through my clothes at the weekend and selecting a couple of outfits that I aim to get into again. When I have done this, I will post the images of the outfits.

I want to go into the gym without being embarrassed at my size (I was such a regular before – that they know me very well and will be shocked at my present condition).

I want to be able to walk down the street or do my job without my first thoughts being that people see me as ‘fat’.

One of my jobs is as an ecologist and I need to walk distances and climb steep inclines – I want to be able to do this without the contractor asking me if I can manage (yes, they have asked me).

I want to be able to sit in a chair without feeling the sides or feeling squished in uncomfortably.

I have a helicopter ride coming up soon – I want to be able to say to them that I am under the max weight per person.

I want to stop reaching for food as a comfort. It never works and only leads me into a continuous spiral of eat, feel bad, eat some more etc etc.

This water fast is an new beginning and a new start into looking after me and not allowing others or work or situations to affect my health.

[Compdude]

You will do well as you have a very strong “why”. It’s also good you’ll have your old outfits to look at every day as visual reminders of your “why”.

I’d also suggest you keep a “totem” with you that you can touch/see/hear to remind you when you are away from home.

My initial goal was being “medication free” when I began my journey on August 9th of last year.

I kept my insulin injection pen with me as my “totem”:

After I achieved my goal, 4 months and 5 days later being declared “medication free” at my doctor’s office. I set 2 new goals:

1. “6-pack at 60” - Deadline: 6/12/20 and
2. World Champion of Public Speaking - Semi-Finals & Final: August 5-8

For the 1st, I keep an old photo of the fittest I’d ever been as my iPhone security wallpaper, which is of me as a sophomore in college when I was running 10 miles 3x per week.

For the 2nd, I just won my 1st round contest last Saturday. 2nd round is in 3 weeks. There are 5 rounds total with the fifth and final being held in Paris, France. So I keep my 1st place medal as my totem in my computer backpack that I carry with me everywhere I go:

[abhen70]

You are doing a great job just by taking the time to realize that you need a change. We are here for support. You go girl!

[Lav]

I am now home from work and struggled just a small bit today, but I got through it.
However I have come home and hubby has done some food shopping and cooking, but i reaffirmed with him that I am fasting.
I haven’t told him how long I am going for, so he doesn’t have a clue of what I am doing - its easier that way - no silly discussions about it then

On a good note I am now 68.25hrs in and the Life app says my body is breaking down old immune cells and generating new ones.
Thats a definite boost to my health
I have also lost 3lbs in weight

This evening will be tough as dropping my grandson off to his Dads and ether will be birthday cake - but I know I will do this

[Yasemin]

Another Amazing day!!

[Yasemin]

Your why’s are amazing!!!

• The helicopter flight
• The steps & contractor comments
• The clothes in your closet!

All very STRONG, POWERFUL and concrete reasons!!

[Lav]

Many thanks,

I am now at 115 hours.

I am so pleased with that.

I weighed myself this morning and I am down 5lbs

I had a busy day yesterday and done a lot of walking, which is fab.

But i am feeling it today, my knees are very achey, as well a my lower back.
Plus I am very tired and I am looking forward to going home and having an early night
I hope everyone else is doing well.

[Kattystrong]

133 hours here, feeling ok, just a bit tired.

[this_is_jme]

I love your blog Irene! Very inspirational. Keep going, we are all with you

[Lav]

Hi,

unfortunately I caved in, as I was extremely tired and when i got home hubby had cooked me something.
However I am starting a fresh tomorrow as I have had a busy weekend, which also included a 12 mile hike today with the dog :). We have been chilling since we got home and we are all exhausted :)

I have to honestly say I felt very emotional about caving in as I wasn’t physically hungry or having any cravings, it was a combination of being tired and having food handed to me.

So hubby now knows that sort of ‘support’, as well-intentioned etc, is not really the kind of support that I am looking for or need.

I guess its lessons for us all

So when tiredness hits - I need to cozy in and rest or sleep (my water and electrolytes are usually good).

But, I can’t afford to go on a slump or feel sorry for my stupidity or lack of will power at the moment - I need to just get stronger at each hurdle - small or big.

It’s tough doing it right, but we are so tougher on ourselves when we get it wrong.

I hope everyone else is doing amazing and I will chat tomorrow xxx

[Yasemin]

It’s okay!! Many of us hit a slump, including myself! We just get right back in the wagon and keep pushing starting now!!