But soup and a roll is less than 400kcal… Less than 400kcal isn’t breaking a fast.
Your still taking suppliments, it’s not water only if you’ve drank coffee
Shut up brain, this is a water fast not a barely eat anything and feel like rubbish and drag it out fast.
We have rules, coffee isn’t breaking fast, neither is veg stock for that matter and both aren’t used unless necessary.
Soup ect is food, is end of week one refeed and week two. So suck it up buttercup we’re in for the long haul.
This is a healing fast, this is a mental break, this is my body being given time to centre, ground, reprogram/reboot, refold it’s proteins, dump junk and refresh blood cells, heal the digestive tract, rest and not race into ‘getting better in 2021’, rather take it at a gentle, mediative, intentional pace.
This hump is the challenge
I’m taking suppliments because I came at this from such a poor diet (gluten testing, barely eating, a year of D, throwing up, fatigue ect). I hadn’t been on them for three months (for accurate blood results) so my body was exhausted, undernourished and mentally strained.
The two week fast I did in December showed me I was struggling mainly because I came in with deficiencies.
I know I won’t be able to take them all the way through but for my health and giving my body what it needs I see no harm in being on them initially. Need the suppliments to be able to do the B12 jabs so I’m going to keep taking them until day 10 then it will be pure water no supplimentation.
The hardest thing about starting is not being able to turn to pharmaceuticals to ease pain condition and muscle spasms. The fast + (b12) gives me more energy, and I spent so much of last year essentially bed ridden, it’s hitting my body hard that I’m more active.
All this waking up and being awake for a day. My brain is struggling with the adjustment, I get to around 4-6 hours and my brain is totally ready for a nap, whereas my body is totally up for anything so long as I ignore pain, spasms, tightness ect.
I find myself dead pan gazing into the middle distance of nothing, not sure what to do but not wanting to lay in bed or scrolling or YouTube/audiobooks.
Hurting, but sitting/laying as still as possible to avoid hurting… when gentle movement is the key… Just takes time for my brain to process there is something to do other than sleep it off.
I need this fast, I need to regroup me, myself and I. I need to see ‘I’ isn’t who i am, who I show the world or what people see, or how hard I try. I is my relationship to me, how I speak to myself, how I work with my body and am grateful for being in a body which can self heal given the right input and patience.
I might be half way, I might be a quarter or a sixth of the way.
But soup isn’t the answer, until I actually want to do the full refeed and begin the process of nurishing and healing together I’m not breaking this fast. I don’t feel ready.
In truth I almost feel scared to get better…
Doesn’t mean I’m not going to do everything I can to get a life, live a life and offer my life in service to the world.
But it’s scary, being Ill and alone is scary too… I’d rather be getting better
Today’s challenge is getting my head around all this internal conflict.
I have stuff I want to do but so far laying the bath is the best I can do, everything hurts.
In love and light, thankyou for being here to check in with.