Cate's fasting cycles

For those who can’t tell… this is a poem :joy:

Days 1 & 2 are such a regular thing,
My body doesn’t notice that much is changing.
Come day 3-5 the challenge set in.
Making it to 7, means I’m all in.

This round I’ll be proud,
Ready for autophagy,
a new mental beat.

Starting at 75kg,
I’m feeling abit round,
No scales here to be found.
Just a tape, body awareness,
and a mental grin.

My only aim is to heal,
Then successfully refeed.
Avoid all the poison,
Our food therein.

I’ll do my best to check in,
With the occasional brain dump.
But for now I wish you well
Ho ho ho, hold the pies,
Santas quite plump.

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I agree 3-5 are the hardest that’s usually when I stopped. But I can’t this time. Being home all the time is a catch 22. You don’t have to go out but food is always here. So I need to keep my mind occupied

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So I’ve officially completed 7 days… Now I’m abit more confident in myself that I’m going to stick it out.
I’ve done a few five day fasts this year as breaks from food. But I really want a fresh start.

Thus far its a totally different experience to my Jan2020 fast. I went into that one too poorly to properly look after myself, pain levels where around a 7-8 everyday, muscle pains, leg cramps/aches… kidney pain/back pain… I slept for like the first two weeks before the chronic fatigue started to ease off.
My biggest fear ending that fast was that my chronic pain and fatigue was going to come back.
I wasn’t wrong, it did… slowly and gradually but my chronic pain usually sits around a 1-2 these days, flare ups or pain from use peaks around a 7 but generally eases off over night or within a few days it’s manageable. The chronic fatigue is still a pain in the butt but it took several months for that to ease back fully. (I’ve recently discovered alot about B12 and being kept in amount… so I’ve started SI and hopefully that’ll address alot of the chronic fatigue.)
The weight didn’t pile on though like people said it would I finished at 62.5 and I was still around 66 in April, which was when I started back on gluten and soy products, huge mistake never again :joy:

So this year has been about learning about my ‘disordered eating’, chronic stomach issues, fatigue, neurological issues and why my feet tingle as much as they do…
Head’s up, alot of it was down to diet.
Following the 31 day fast I’m not going to lie the refeed was hard, I didn’t know what was best, I totally panicked about net carbs, everything seemed to make me sick and that continued. In truth it was like it before… but I had really hoped the fast would reset everything. I joined a Lowfodmap course and started applying those principles to my eating and hell, I was still being sick all the time!
It took until about June to work most of it out and the last thing to work out was in November. So after over 15 years of being sick unless I’m on a stupidly restricted diet and still unwell… The results are in… Lactose intolerant, Egg allergy, Soya allergy, Non-celiac Gluten sensitivity, Sulphates, Artificial sweeteners AND POTATOES :sob::sob::sob:
Not forgetting I’m vegan plant based ontop of that :joy:

Ive been so close so many times when I’ve been ‘eating clean’; always forced back to eating ‘normally’ because when asked if my symptoms are better… No they where not. So I was labelled as attention seeking with disordered eating. Nothing to concern about because I’ve always kept my weight stable through fasting when I feel sick and bingeing when my weight starts to drop.
Turns out the symptoms of injesting gluten are infinite, migraines, messed up hunger signals, nausea, weight gain (even when undereating) and messes my tummy up for a few weeks to a month at a time, soya is why I’m always vomiting, and potatos is why it’s felt like I can’t eat anything and be ok. I’ve literally spent my whole adult life hating eating because EVERYTHING MAKES ME SICK.
Once I completed the gluten testing (eating it every day twice a day for six week :sob: I’d cut it out because one bread roll a week was too much. So this was mega hard) I waited a few weeks, persevered and decided I needed everything to settle down. Nothing was digesting right I felt sick all the time, I was sleeping loads. So that’s when I decided to start this fast. I eases in with a few 48-72HR fasts then started on the 14th, broke fast on the 17th because I just didn’t feel good at all did a 400kcal refeed, threw the whole lot up and started the fast again. :thinking: Mustard maybe I don’t know?

Having worked all these allergies out, I feel like 2021 is ‘simply’ going to put into practice loads of things I have tried before, but with a tiny bit extra knowledge and alot more conviction in standing upto people who have an opinion on how I eat. That I’m going to be able to build my strength and get ontop of the chronic pain and fatigue. This time my efforts will work and I will get better and I will have a life again.

My last fast was about feeling ok, even if it was only for the last ten days of the fast :joy: it was ten days I hadn’t had in such a long time. It was about deep introspection, re-evaluating friendships, relationships with family and my own self torment. Recognising that I did deserve to have the surgery I needed and the help and guidance I needed. As well as retuning to eating and recording my experience, bowel habits, symptoms ect.

Well this time… :grin: so far it seems to be about processing trauma. Which wasn’t the plan (cheers brain). Chronic fatigue keeps getting me and as usual it’s triggered a period. As it’s the first one I’ve had since the fast in January I’m not complaining. Just ouch.
I’ve been able to be much more active, alternating between a day walking (5-10miles) and sleeping for a day (9-18hours). I’ve read alot, potted on some plants that have been waiting since August and I’m hoping at soon I’ll be up for tidying up a years worth of chaos… nothing much else is occuring.

Start weight: 75.1kg
Starting body fat: 26.1
Measurements in cm;
Arm: 30
Chest: 98
Waist: 76
Hips: 93
Seat: 104
Thigh: 59
Calf: 37
Ankle: 27

Seven days in:
Weight: 69.2 < 5.9kg
Measurements in cm;
Arm: 29 <1
Chest: 94 <4
Waist: 73 <3
Hips: 92 <1
Seat: 102 <2
Thigh: 56 <3
Calf: 35 <2
Ankle: 25 <2

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Wow- just wow- I have so much I want to say about empathizing with chronic illness. Your journey is such an inspiration and I hope you continue to post and discover what does and doesn’t work for you! You’re so powerful!

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If your having a beautiful day, I wouldn’t read this post.

So while everyone else is celebrating family and food… I’m on day 2? Or 3 of being asleep for an obscene amount of time.
Fatigue has hit me hard, but last week was ace. Having cut gluten completly about 3 weeks ago now; the first two weeks where horrible, no energy, nausea, content headache, an ear infection (I’ve now had for over a month) and alot of sleep. I had been forcing myself out to walk every 2nd/3rd day though because I desperatly want to get better. My whole body ground to a halt around June (coincided with the first potato harvest). I’d basically been asleep, vomiting or fasting to live since.
So it was really important to start walking and leaving the house again. I wanted to signal to my body that now is the time… I was still leaving the house in a fasted state so most days where OMAD. Those first two weeks a 3/5 mile walk was enough, I’d be stopping alot and dangling my arms, stretching my shoulders, walking with my hands in my pockets because my shoulder can’t take the movement, still can’t carry a bag or water. I’d be concertrating on engaging my core and trying really hard not to cry rather just occasionally express how much better next year will be when it doesn’t feel like my shoulder is suspended by a meat hook, I’ve been shot through the collar bone or that elephant has stopped standing in the middle of my back.
It was like dragging myself through mud I won’t lie. But the sky was blue, I was outside and damn my new vegan, carbon neutral delivery boots where comfy, waterproof and a bargain. I could feel the wind on my face drying escaped tears and I had a friend who would drive home when I couldn’t. Deliberately avoiding holes in the road and going around round abouts slowly so i didn’t hiss as well as cry.
So last week was week 3… and we may have got abit too ambitious with distance. Our legs where up for it but my chronic pain was not and the fatigue has jumped in to save the day after that 10mile walk.
Honestly I feel floored, today’s challenge… Actually leave my bed for more than ten minutes and have a bath with Epsom salts.
Electrolytes are abit out of balance atm since I have stars in my eyes when I stand up. I bought something called ‘fasting salts’ earlier this year… Which I’m totally trying for the next week to see how I get on.

I forgot to mention yesterday I’ve already had a dream about food :joy: Now, remember I’m vegan so the trick is to think what’s in the food I’m dreaming about to see what the body wants.
Dream, sitting down at a table with a can of processed ham and a jar of mayo. Look across to two people who are actually my parents and telling them they can’t comment.
So I think the body is looking for calorie, oil dense food and blames bad food choices on their example. I won’t argue :joy: I eat alot more food types than either of them as they are both processed food junkies. :joy:

TRIGGER WARNING, REFERANACES TRAUMA EVENT. NO DETAILS
I don’t usually dream so I find it odd that a week into fasting I’m dreaming every night.
Last night/today’s dream was trauma processing. It was what happened followed by me shouting blue sodding murder at the individual, ripping their perfect self image apart and calling them out for what they do and their own behaviour. In reality I’d gone mute and not addressed it, I’d just changed my behaviour and made sure I was communicating clearly. But last night my dream was scary and in the end glorious. Even if they don’t know the exact details in real life, every brain cell in my head rattled with my fury (totally didn’t realise I was mad), I woke up shaking with adrenaline and I feel totally justified in how I’ve been feeling and weirdly relieved I said something (even though in RL I haven’t).
END

This really wasn’t the plan though, I’d planned on a self organising, zen, incense and meditation filled fast.
But if addressing trauma I’ve already had councilling for is what my brain needs… I just hope by the end of this fast it’s actually processed and filed away rather than a filter on my every day reality.

What a post for Xmas day, sorry to you folks who celebrate it.

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Ergh, my mouth tastes gross and has for days now, tounge scrapper… No difference… Bicarb tooth paste… No difference
Copious amounts of water… Mild difference :joy:
Smelly keto breath :mask:

And much as I love being able to smell things a thousand times better… I can smell people! Their breath when I’m paces behind them and that’s gross too :joy::joy::joy: and what is that smell coming from the wallpaper in the living room? And why does the hallway smell of stale socks :joy::joy::joy:

Had my head in several childrens books since yesterday. It’s been nice rereading things that made me feel good as a kid. And it makes me wonder if they really have to go to the charity shop to declutter for if they can be treasure :joy::joy:

I’ve written a text to someone the trauma is related to and set a reminder for three weeks from now to send it.

Oooo and I’ve split up the recipies for the Lowfodmap return to eating into week1-2-3 and I’ve dug out a few juices for the first 3-4 days depending on how long I fast for.
All this has only added to the chaos of piles of things on the floor… I’ll get around to that next week. And I’ll write each thing into a meal plan so when I start eating I don’t just panic ebcause the weight keeps falling off.
The aim is to gradually refeed upto 2000kcal and then just stick to that every day. When I’m active I burn 3000-4000 a day the days fatigue hits I get to 1700 so… I figure aim for 2000 and keep it there.
I’ve also spoken to the people at huel and checked my stash of space food is suitable for all my allergies… So now I’m considering weather week two of the refeed is too soon to add that in or weather I should hold off until I’ve done three months of Lowfodmap and then add huel in as a reintroduction… Pondering and listening to the wind. I hope everyone had a nice time with family and folks where restrictions allow.
Cate

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So impressed right now, in January I just never felt well until the end and then I really just wanted to get as much done as possible so my refeed plan was more an idea and I quickly felt unsteady and unsure of myself. External reality and everyone telling me I was going to die didn’t help :joy:

I’ve written my first weeks refeed. A 5/6 day refeed that’s as gentle as can be, easily low fodmap and low glycemic, plenty of greens and essentially soup that just becomes slight more complex as the main meal. Probably only reaches 1000 by day 5/6 but that’s fine. If I remember anything about January it was that it was incredibly hard to eat enough and not feel sick. I’m sure by week two I’ll be ready to take on more nutrition.
Means I can go for as long as I want and not worry, I’m covered in the event of a 21/30/40 day fast. Ive got my back :grin:
Feeling really positive about this and finally blooming organised. Only took 12 months to write :joy:

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Rough.
Tip 1 Don’t push an all-nighter just because your frustrated you’ve been asleep for four days.
Tip 2 Don’t fuel it with coffee. Burpy sickie feeling all day sucks
Tip 3 Don’t go walking for nine and half miles when you have to stop every ten mins because your pain levels and lack of energy are either going to have you throw up or pass out
Tip 4 Laying over you knees for the hour drive home, stops the hiccup burps, sicknesss and eases the chronic pain.
Tip 5 Dont be over ambitious 10 days into a water fast.
Tip 6 Go to bed regardless of time when you get in :joy:

Heading to bed now, hope everyone has had a nice relaxing day xx

I’ll be honest I keep pushing myself too far and my body is demanding I slow down.
So I’ve told my friend I’m walking with alot that I’m withdrawing into a self imposed ‘retreat’ at home. So looking forward to removing all the external world and just focusing in for a few weeks.

I have weighed in a few days early as a result (as I use their scales.) (No longer trust these numbers… A week later I’d gained weight… the scales had moved possibly they hadn’t recalibrated correctly)

67kg
21.2% body fat
21.8 BMI

I’m not going to weigh in until the end now. I expect to loose 2kg max a week and I’m safely within the healthy margin for that so I’m removing that stress too. I’ll still do tape measurments on a Thursday just because

Weird dreams are prevalent these last few nights, but I’m sleeping for 8-9 hours consistently which is nice. Although 6pm till 4am… Isn’t ideal :joy:
Legs hate me from all the walking this week though :joy:

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When you want to say yes and your body says no.

I have a book by the same title… This is a daily battle with chronic pain and fatigue. But this post isn’t in defeat it’s in acknowledgment and respect for my body.

So I broke fast at 12 days with veg broth and gluten free sweet potato cracker things. (Approx 400kcal Still have keto tounge and breath… But it was solid food so it’s breaking fast).
I did it for a number of reasons.

  1. My glands where up, i had swollen tonsils
  2. My rest HR showed the stress i felt was being felt in my body and was raising steadily.
  3. I pushed too much exercise in those 12 days and my pain levels and fatigue where getting really hard to handle.

Life with chronic anything often becomes a trade off. Do I eat properly or do I sleep? Do I go for a walk or do I tidy the kitchen/cook? Do I shower or do I get dressed? Do I do yoga or do I see someone for a cuppa?

I’d let going for a walk on alternate days rob me of the slow paced fast I wanted. Realistically I needed to walk to put the trauma processing to one side. So everything is in response to my inner world. But it was also because I was letting someone else use me as their motivation to do anything, because they are struggling with being on furlough. (His housemate is home now so I can’t bubble there anymore anyway).

So, small refeed last night which I’m going to repeat tonight. Then set off for another 10/21/31 days what ever my body asks for. Only this time as I’ve cleared all expectations I’ll be heading into a mini retreat.
The focus will be on rising early, a healthy morning routine. (Water, Yoga/meditation, walk, shower).
Then lots of reading, journalling; tasks towards making my home feel more like a home. (Organising, cleaning, painting, decluttering).

Focusing in, being there for myself.

I am also chronically ill. I’ve almost died a couple of times and now have mild brain damage- not to mention I’m always physically ill or injured. I can’t recommend the book “How to be sick: A Buddhist inspired guide for the chronically ill and their caregivers” by Toni Bernhard

Know you are not alone! If you ever want to talk feel free to reach out any time. I avidly follow your thread and completely empathize. Good luck

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Bought this book on audible today on your suggestion :blush: Thankyou.

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15 hours into the next fast. It annoyed me last January that I hadn’t been fasting the number of the date… So I set off fasting at 7am today.
Pain levels dropped yesterday.
I’m still fighting an ear infection but it’s fine.
I have the worst acne all around my hairline and forehead ATM not idea what’s going on there but it’s sore and angry.
While on this short refeed I’ve been taking suppliments and I’ve done a couple of B12 jabs so I’m hoping the fatigue doesn’t catch up with me too fast.

I’ve signed up to a Buddhist centre today, I visited a few years ago (their on the other side of the country, I just happened to be a street away from them where I was staying) and because of covid they are running their courses online now. So I have a ‘how to leave the past behind’ lesson tomorrow. Followed by a weekend ‘retreat’ of four sessions a day and the another four sessions for four day retreat Monday-thursday. And then because I signed up as a member for £30pm instead of £80 just for the two retreats I have access for the rest of the month (until I cancel the DD in three months) to attend any classes, seminars or retreats they put on for free… All for the same price I was willing to pay for a week.
The universe has given me just what I need… Now I just need to give me what I need which is total and utter surrender to the process.

Hello 2021… The year I take two steps forward and then a third forward ect
I will get my life back, it will work this time

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Wow I’m so glad you are able to use your local sangha! What sect is it? What an awesome resource for you to have and utilize right now. I was going to be a Zen Buddhist nun but then I met my husband and there were some vows I couldn’t take… hah! I miss the sanghas I’ve been a part of ( I live in the middle of no where now) but then I remember I am their continuation and don’t feel so isolated. Please keep us posted on your retreats!

Also as a chronically ill Buddhist I use the 5 remembrances as my mantra:

I am of the nature to grow old
There is no way to escape growing old

I am of the nature to have ill health
There is no way to escape ill health

I am of the nature to die
There is no way to escape death

Everyone I love and everything I hold dear is of the nature to change
There is no way to escape being separated from them

My actions are my only true belongings
I cannot escape the consequences of my actions
They are the ground upon which I stand

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Here’s a link to their site.

It sounds like you found something which deeply resonated with you which is absolutely beautiful :heart:
I don’t say I’m anything in particular… Buddhist or Edenist are my closest ‘religions’ I suppose. But I just try to be a good person and cope with the challenges in front of me.
Sometimes I’m gracious about them other times they challenge my heart too much and I feel sadness for a long time. Which I suppose is where I’ve been for a long while now.
I just try to focus on the light and turn from the darkness.

Such as, I was waaaay to tired to stay up last night. Yet it means I start 2021 at 7am which is hopefully not the highlight of my year but rather just the first step in 365 daily routines.
I have to say I’m loving waking up as all the grow lights over my house plants are clicking on.

So much to do this year and I’m simply too excited to wait any longer to get started :heart_eyes:

I hope you have a lovely start to the year today xxx catch up soon

Measurements at the start of round 2
Arm- 28cm <2
Chest- 95cm <3
Waist- 72cm <4
Hips- 88cm <5
Seat- 99cm <5
Thigh- 56cm <3
Calf- 37cm <1
Ankle -25cm <2

It’s crazy how much better I feel with a few cm shaved off.
That last two weeks has done me the world of good.

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whispers while touching wood… ‘speaking to soon?? But this is going remarkably well’

Totally loving waking up and actually feeling awake. Deciding to do my own B12 injections last year has completely transformed my world.

Another early rising day :grin: I don’t have much choice as to when I sleep though… that’s still very random.

Cleaned the oven and the kitchen yesterday. (Got the fridge done on the Xmas fast).
Also started freshening the paint up in the living room.

Did a ‘Letting go of the past’ course with the Buddhist centre.
Established I have simply the worse signal in the world for a zoom recording so… Got to wait and see weather I spend the next week in the garden in a tent for all the lessons :joy:

Heading to my yoga mat now for the first yoga day of 30 day Breath with Adrienne. Loads of people will be joining me digitally :blush: feels abit like Ramadan, when millions of people are engaged in the same self awareness and spiritual growth at the same time.

I do love the new year :blush:

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Didn’t wake up feeling awake today.
Hurt too much to show up on the yoga mat, hurt too much to get up early or get washed or dressed properly.

Spent the first half of the day curled up in a ball against the radiator trying to meditate and open my heart and mind to the lessons of the retreat. Kept zoning out into my normal meditation space, head just doing it’s thing and occasionally tuning into the instructions or piping up during a prayer. Before curling back up into a warm ball of mild discomfort so long as I don’t move.
Had to call it at lunchtime. I felt I wasn’t paying enough attention and was letting my mind drift into nothing, rather than focusing on one single object of the prayer we where asked to consider.

Headed out, wandered garden centres, talked rubbish and drank a coffee. Then I felt half human. Still spaced and seem to be drawing lessons from every direction.

My friend has popped by these last two days and I have three shelves up for books, huge book case gone and my bikes finally have somewhere to be kept, they live somewhere for the first time in two years. :grin::grin::grin::grin:
Half the living room is decorated…

My pain and fatigue are high, too high.

Spent all day telling myself food isn’t going to make me feel any better despite what my little brain nag says haha

Going to think of my reasons for fasting tomorrow. But I basically want to go until the chronic pain and fatigue naff off like they did last January.
Or until I feel one stepped removed from those things that trouble me, so I can see them clearly.

I think by next week my space will be organised and zen and relaxed and welcoming and calming and all the things I need it to be. Finally. Then my home in 2021 will be a much nicer place to be.
I might even feel like I’ve settled in.

Tomorrow will be a better day… Just gotta get over the five day hump … day and a half left … then it’ll be easier

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But soup and a roll is less than 400kcal… Less than 400kcal isn’t breaking a fast.
Your still taking suppliments, it’s not water only if you’ve drank coffee

Shut up brain, this is a water fast not a barely eat anything and feel like rubbish and drag it out fast.
We have rules, coffee isn’t breaking fast, neither is veg stock for that matter and both aren’t used unless necessary.
Soup ect is food, is end of week one refeed and week two. So suck it up buttercup we’re in for the long haul.

This is a healing fast, this is a mental break, this is my body being given time to centre, ground, reprogram/reboot, refold it’s proteins, dump junk and refresh blood cells, heal the digestive tract, rest and not race into ‘getting better in 2021’, rather take it at a gentle, mediative, intentional pace.
This hump is the challenge

I’m taking suppliments because I came at this from such a poor diet (gluten testing, barely eating, a year of D, throwing up, fatigue ect). I hadn’t been on them for three months (for accurate blood results) so my body was exhausted, undernourished and mentally strained.
The two week fast I did in December showed me I was struggling mainly because I came in with deficiencies.
I know I won’t be able to take them all the way through but for my health and giving my body what it needs I see no harm in being on them initially. Need the suppliments to be able to do the B12 jabs so I’m going to keep taking them until day 10 then it will be pure water no supplimentation.

The hardest thing about starting is not being able to turn to pharmaceuticals to ease pain condition and muscle spasms. The fast + (b12) gives me more energy, and I spent so much of last year essentially bed ridden, it’s hitting my body hard that I’m more active.
All this waking up and being awake for a day. My brain is struggling with the adjustment, I get to around 4-6 hours and my brain is totally ready for a nap, whereas my body is totally up for anything so long as I ignore pain, spasms, tightness ect.
I find myself dead pan gazing into the middle distance of nothing, not sure what to do but not wanting to lay in bed or scrolling or YouTube/audiobooks.
Hurting, but sitting/laying as still as possible to avoid hurting… when gentle movement is the key… Just takes time for my brain to process there is something to do other than sleep it off.

I need this fast, I need to regroup me, myself and I. I need to see ‘I’ isn’t who i am, who I show the world or what people see, or how hard I try. I is my relationship to me, how I speak to myself, how I work with my body and am grateful for being in a body which can self heal given the right input and patience.

I might be half way, I might be a quarter or a sixth of the way.
But soup isn’t the answer, until I actually want to do the full refeed and begin the process of nurishing and healing together I’m not breaking this fast. I don’t feel ready.

In truth I almost feel scared to get better…

Doesn’t mean I’m not going to do everything I can to get a life, live a life and offer my life in service to the world.

But it’s scary, being Ill and alone is scary too… I’d rather be getting better

Today’s challenge is getting my head around all this internal conflict.
I have stuff I want to do but so far laying the bath is the best I can do, everything hurts.

In love and light, thankyou for being here to check in with.

“ If this medication helps, that will be great. If it doesn’t, no blame. It wasn’t what my body needed.” “If this doctor turns out to be responsive, that will be nice. If he or she doesn’t, that’s okay. Any given doctor is going to be how he or she is going to be. It’s not in my control.”

Toni Bernhard, How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers

I continuously go back to this precept of my faith about identity. “Who is suffering”

I have all the conditions for happiest right here right now in the only moment of time that truly exists. “I am a woman. On the toilet. Getting puppy smooches.”

I try not to get caught up in the qualifiers. “I am a Frustrated woman on the toilet in horrible pain. Getting puppy smooches” We have a choice to respond to the moment and our emotions/ experiences or react to them.

So often we have an initial emotion then react to it then the reaction and so on and so forth and by the time we realize we’re angry/ whatever we don’t have any idea why.

I hope you can learn to listen to your body as it is. Life is a confusing mess and we have to experiment constantly. And then poof life goes and completely changes in an instant we have to start over with new conditions

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I think my biggest issue is that I listen to my body and accept it as is at the time. I know that shouldn’t be an issue but it means to everyone else I look fine but say I’m not when they ask.
That part of healing is acknowledging the problem, acknowledging the limitations (temporary or otherwise). But rather than just constantly trying, always having a list of things that I want to do and just waiting until I can, acknowledge sometimes I can’t do things and that’s ok. It’s hard without support but life is still life and worth living.

The food allergies have been an issue for years but I refused to accept I was allergic or intollant to that many things. The pain, fatigue just keep telling myself I will get better.

I think I have a positive attitude, just sometimes very worn down by it all. And acknowledging that is part of healing…

I’m listening to ‘you are your placebo’ atm then starting on the book you’ve suggested. :blush:
Thankyou for sharing honestly and openly with me

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