Buse's Daily Journal

Hi! I am Buse. I am only 23 but my weight was always a problem in my life. I used to lose 25kg, gaining it back, losing again, gaining again, again and again. I am tired of feeling unhealthy, I am tired of looking into mirror and not liking my appearance, I am tired of not fitting into dresses I bought. I do binge eating very frequently. I feel so tired of that crying sessions, self shaming, and isolating myself from my loved ones due to my appearance. I accepted that I am addicted to food, and I need to get rid of this dangerous addiction. My height is 175cm and my current weight is 98 kgs. My short term goal is being around 85, and long term is 68 kg.

I love myself, and I need to provide the body that I deserve to myself. First, I want to start with Water Fasting and continue with intermittent fasting. At this point I want to say something to myself because I know I will come back and read all of these.

Girl, I know it is hard. But please think about every struggle you experienced in your life. Is it harder than them? No. You can do this. Also, whenever you want to buy food instead buy some other cute stuffs for yourself. Skin products! Candles! A new chair! New games! Stop spending that much money on foods harming your health and just treat yourself. I love you, you are strong, beautiful and hot.

I want to start with 10 days water fasting at first, but I can expand it a bit more if I can handle.
I know that this journey will be amazing , and thanks to this platform for making me feel as I am not alone.

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Day 1 is overr!!!
I wanted to eat cookies and binge but instead I went for a walk (and lost, funny story). I drank iced coffee without any milk and I feel happy right know. Even if I feel very hungry, I know that first day is the hardest day. I also bought a new candle with the money I would normally spend for food.

You are strong, hot and cute. It will be fine, stay strong honey. I am proud of you.

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Suddenly everything turned into one binge a day but I have been taking the control all over again, and I have lost 3kg during last week!!!

I am a psychology major student, and it is really hard to focus on my university lectures nowadays. However, my home is 2 minutes away from my university, so I started to go the library and study in there to look for whether I can focus better on a school environment or not. And… It worked!!! I can focus on my school better now, there is a lot of articles to read, I need to catch up my professors, but a start is a star. At least now I can study.

Annnddd… I know I hate exercising, but when I was a child, I used to do hula hooping a lot, so I thought may be a weighted hula hoop might me an enjoyable way of exercising. It can increase my energy level, and help me for a better mental statement, and of course, it can help me burn some calories and also maybe even do some abbs!!! It will be arrived today, I feel so excited and happy (:

My eating schedule turned into one meal a day from water fasting, but it seems to work. Same days I fast, naturally. I just feel very full and don’t want to eat anything. Some days I feel hungry and eat quality meals such as chicken and salad. So, I guess it is going well.

I am proud of myself because I feel like finally, I have the control of my life in my hands, again.

Buse, you are a very clever, energetic, fun and beautiful young lady. Everything is fine, you will be good. Trust yourself when you feel like you are going to collapse, because I trust you.

Hello Buse,

I like your idea of instead of buying food, use that money to buy other cute things instead.
And that’s exactly what I do.
I came to realize that when I started adding up all the monies I would spend during a week on food, I felt ashamed when I looked at my personal budget. I was spending it on fast foods, frozen foods and extra snacking.
I was closet eater. Meaning I would save my “special foods and snacks” for when no other person would see me or question me on my secret addition.
So I think it’s a wonderful idea in choosing to treat yourself with new things and positive self talk:white. :+1:
You certainly are not alone :kissing_heart:

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I feel very hungry today. Waaay to hungry…
The night before yesterday I binged… A lot… I am not proud of myself… But yesterday I fasted and I want to continue this fasting today. It is not a “real” fast because I drink a lot of iced coffee with almond milk. But the percentage of milk is o little, maybe around 30 ml, so it is ok I guess. Omg I love iced coffee… It is not possible for me to drink eat without any milk, and it is also not possible to fast without iced coffee for me. Therefore, I decided to drink it with a little amount of sugar free almond milk. Even though I feel hungry, want to continue my fast at least three days, so I want eat today as well.

My hula hoop has arrived!!! I cannot hooping but I am trying… It is hard, hula hooping is impossible. But I am sure I will figure it out one day, so I am just keep trying. And as expected, it is fun!! I drink a lot of coffee and I feel energy burst, and I am trying to hoop. Last night at 3 am I was listening doja cat and trying to hola hooping in my room.

I have a therapist, because I know I don’t have a healthy relationship with food and I don’t want to live like that. But also I wish I could talk about it with my boyfriend. He lives in a foreign country, so only way of communicating for us is online connection. He is bad at listening. He is just keep saying “I love you” when I am trying to tell him about my problems. Like, ok you love me but what is the relation between your love to me and my unsuccessful relationship with food?? Last day he told me that he loves me 9 times in a three minutes call and at this time I was trying to tell him something. He interrupted me a lot and made zero comment about the topic. When I told him about my feelings, when I told him that I felt like he had not made me feel like I was listened, he accused me with being a crazy girlfriend towards her perfect bf who is willing to do everything for me. Declaring me a crazy gf when I am talking about my feeling is misogyny, and honey no I am not a woman who will settle with bare minimum. He either treats me right or he can find himself another girlfriend. I don’t have to settle with bare minimum.

He is telling me that he supports me but no, he don’t. Not letting me speak is not quite supportive. Omg you are a 29 years old men, did not anyody ever thought you how to listen and support someone when they are sad??? I feel alone, and I feel unsuccessful because school is not going well also. Next week my midterms are starting, and I haven’t started to study yet.

I don’t find myself attractive because I have gained 18 kg during last 6 months. But yesterday my vet tried to flirt with me so I think I am still attractive to someone outside.

I feel like this platform is the only place I can talk nowadays.

Buse, it will be ok, I promise. Think about the cute dresses you bought last summer. You used to look so good in them, you can lose that 20 kg, shake the streets again. You are already beautiful right now but you will be amazing if you lose weight also. Be healthy, treat yourself better because this is what you deserve.

Dear @KittyD

I spend sooo much money on food. I am a university student and still I have three different jobs to take care of myself. Instead of spending money on junk food I should save them for my graduate programme… Unfortunately the economy is terrible in where I live, in Turkey so everything is way too much expensive. So to be honest the money is a very major motivation in my adventure.

Thank you for your kind words! you gave me inspiration :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Hi Buse,

So sorry to hear about your bf situation. Hope the situation gets better. But thank you for sharing because some times I feel I can only share certain things like my food additions or fasting ideas only on this board. And not feel like I’m being judged. Also, you are not alone. There are others who feel the same as you do. Including myself.

I’m very encouraged by the way you ended your post with some self-talk. You stated to yourself and I quote, “Buse, it will be ok, I promise. Think about the cute dresses you bought last summer. You used to look so good in them, you can lose that 20 kg, shake the streets again. You are already beautiful right now but you will be amazing if you lose weight also. Be healthy, treat yourself better because this is what you deserve.”

That in itself is a driving motivation for not only yourself, but to others as well :+1:.