Alyssa's Daily Journal

[alyssadanniele]

• Define your “WHY” - Why are you doing this?
  I am doing this because I can feel my health declining, and I want to set a better example for my kids by taking my control back. I have watched and continue to watch family members die because they couldn’t push away from the table. I don’t want that to be my story.

• What are your long term and short term goals?
  Long term (but I don’t want it to take too long) is to reach 140 lbs, to get a PhD in Naturopathic Medicine, and to buy my first home (within 5 years).
  Short term I want to successfully complete at least one 3 day fast every single month, a 21 day fast within a year, and stop drinking forever.

• What are some struggles you face or you have faced in the past?
  I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, and I have struggled with binge eating and bulimia for 20 years. I was obese as a teen, so purging helps me feel in control when I spiral.

• What is your game plan? (/.e. OMAD intermittent Fasting + Keto + Water Fasting
  I would like to incorporate all of the above listed.

• How do you feel right now? (Happy, Sad, Anxious, etc.) and why?
  Hopeful because I feel like I can still change, but sad because of the pain I feel in different body parts that is directly attributed to my poor food/drink choices. Sad that I let myself get this out of control.

• How will you feel once you achieve your goal? (Visualization)
  I will feel more alive and vibrant than I’ve ever felt. I will feel unimaginably clear minded and peaceful. I will feel proud and loved by myself.

• Write down your daily positive affirmation:
  I am determined. I am strong. I am powerful. I am unstoppable. I am becoming the woman I’ve always wanted to be …a little more every day.

• Write anything else you want to write, let this flow freely since it’s your journal for yourself!
  Stop limiting yourself.
  Stop blocking the miracles and the groovy stuff.
  You absolutely deserve this new life.
  Accept the blessings and let the magical juju flow!

Day 1: 25OCT2019 5’8" 180 lbs

[MrsCarla_M]

Like this format. I am gonna include in my journal. Thanks so much for sharing

[Yasemin]

I love this so much !!! I am actually speechless! You hit the nail on the head with this, and this is the beginning of your success story! Let’s do it! Bookmark this page and come check-in EVERY SINGLE DAY!

[alyssadanniele]

Day 3: 27OCT2019 176.4 lbs

FASTING DAY 1

Feelings: I am excited, and hopeful, but also nervous that I’ll let myself down yet again. I just want to break free from these addictions once and for all. I’m tired of this cycle …this downward spiral.

Goals: To make it to bed tonight having not broken my fast. Today is a big cooking day for my family. I want to create these memories for my kids without robbing myself of the joy of the moment and I don’t want to rob myself of the feeling of accomplishment when I successfully make it to 24 hrs.

Why: I want to break the chains of food and alcohol addiction. I want to truly be free. I want to be the healthiest version of myself that I’ve ever been.

What it will feel like: Indescribably amazing

Words for today: Small victories …even if you have to just win one second at a time.

[alyssadanniele]

Day 4: 28OCT2019 174

FASTING DAY 2

Made it through yesterday, and even threw the leftovers straight in the bin, as I am normally the only one that eats them. Last night I was a bit restless and was really looking forward to seeing how I felt this morning. I woke up at 3:30 and felt really poofy in the face, but like in a good/healing way, if that makes sense.

Feelings: I feel a little discouraged because I feel so puffy, but I know that my body is working hard to clear the clutter, so I’m also encouraged in a way. I’m also excited because for the next 6 days I’ll be heavily occupied with work, and don’t have any business lunches on the agenda that I’ll need to dodge or work around. I feel like, aside from the nighttime boredom, these next few days will be rather easy.

Goals: Check in with this site or look to YouTube for inspiration if I feel tempted. Stay active. Stay on track.

Why: I want to be successful at this. I really want to know how it feels to have a truly healthy body and mind.

Words for today: This is so much easier than the monsters in your head have made it seem. You’ve got this. Alcohol is now out of your system. Keep it going, girl!!

*SAME DAY ADDITION: I’m watching a documentary on the obesity epidemic, and I realized I’ve packed 12.5% of my body weight on in the past few months. From 160 lbs to 180 lbs. Wow. That’s scary.

*ANOTHER ADDITION : I’ve never been so happy to be working late. I’ll be here until 8pm which will basically take me right up to bedtime.

[Yasemin]

AMAZING ALYSSA!!! <3 Minute by minute, we got this!

[alyssadanniele]

Day 5: 29OCT2019 170.4

FASTING DAY 3

Yesterday, you did good, girl. EXCEPT for the whole “watching Mukbang videos when you’re bored” thing. Let’s not do that today. Sleep was super good quality, and I didn’t wake up a million times like I normally do. That being said, I woke up at 1am feeling like I just had a super vivid dream, but being unable to recall it within minutes. Weird.

Feelings: A little nervous that today will be more difficult than I anticipated. Encouraged because it’s another busy day at work and I’ll be tied up until at least 7pm. Excited because I physically feel the parts of my body that have shrunk, and I can see a big difference in my face. I kind of wish I had taken before photos, but I might do that tonight. MIGHT.

Goals: Make it through today with a positive mindset, and turn to positive tools if I feel tempted. I want to make it to bed tonight without having eaten, and I want to wake up tomorrow and be on day 4 of my fast …the furthest I’ve ever gone.

Why: I’ve always made excuses for myself and my behavior in the past. “I work hard, so I deserve it.” “Life is too short for that bullshit.” “Dude, you did good enough.” …I don’t want to justify my lack of discipline. I want to love myself to see this through and to go further than I ever have. My body deserves this. My brain is declining. My heart is under tremendous strain. I watched my beautiful grandma choose death over life by the food choices she made. I’m watching my mom do the same. I can’t do that to my babies. They deserve a mother that will not only die for them but will live the best life possible for them. Why??? Because no food or drink is going to drive the train on my life, happiness, or freedom.
(Sorry …I just felt really emotional when I started thinking about why)

Words for today: You would fall on your fucking knees if you really understood what you are capable of. This is nothing. This is easy. Choose freedom. If all else fails: Zen Tangles.

**UPDATE: 6:47PM …I’m starting to feel strong urges because I just signed some paperwork that I would normally celebrate over. My celebrations have ALWAYS been delicious food and drinks. Instead, I’m gonna slam some water, then head upstairs to take a bath, then hopefully go to be early. I really hope I can make it through this night.

[alyssadanniele]

Day 6: 30OCT2019 168.4

FASTING DAY 4

Officially made it over the hump!!! Some things I’ve noticed are: 1. Yucky mouth feel. 2. My body feels like it’s lightly buzzing all day (best way I could describe it). 3. I wanted to eat more out of habit/schedule last night, than I did out of hunger. 4. Body feels colder -in certain places/parts 5. I feel like I pee way more than I’m drinking. 6. Body feels tighter. 7. Facial skin has literally cleared completely. 8. Had another morning headache (daily), but caffeine made it go away quickly. 9. Eyes felt icky when I woke up. 10. Yesterday the top layer of skin on my lips peeled completely off -like it started to peel a little in bigger pieces, so I used a lip scrub and the entire first layer came off. It was weird -not painful or bad though …and my lips feel super soft now.

Feelings: Frickin proud as heck. I feel really encouraged to continue. I feel like I am going to weigh myself every other day, starting day 5 …because I DID feel a little bummed that I didn’t break 168 even though I still dropped 2 lbs -and I don’t want to focus on the number more than I focus on the feeling. Overall, I’m excited and hopeful!!

Goals: Make it to Day 5 (completely… like to the evening to officially make it past 120 hours). Be sharp during my meetings today, and stay busy!!

Words for today: You’ve already made it. This is icing on the cake …so be proud. With that, don’t allow this to convert to an excuse to break the fast. You made a promise to yourself. Keep your word and win your own respect. You’ve got this, girl!!! For Grandma

[Compdude]

Don’t get discouraged when you don’t lose weight for a day or two. From experience it’s a temporary plateau as your body adjusts.

For example, I lost 15lbs my 1st 7 days and then yesterday I didn’t lose any weight despite not changing anything in my routine. Just keep grinding away. It’s a process.

[Yasemin]

Naughty!! Watching Mukbangs on day 3! Hahaha I’m so impressed with you, and I love your journalling! <3 You are strong and you are amazing!

[alyssadanniele]

31OCT2019 166.8
HAPPY (CANDY FREE) HALLOWEEN!!

FASTING DAY 5

I can’t believe I’ve made it this far …and that I feel so great!!! I decided I’m going to stop putting “Day #” in front of the date. No real reason. Just want to focus on this day.

Okay …so, GREAT news!! For the first time, in I don’t know how long, I woke up and my left knee wasn’t stiff! I am pretty active so my knee is constantly stiff and most of the time is super painful to bend (basically, it takes me like 30 seconds to completely straighten my legs if I’m sitting cross-legged …and hurts like a mofo). It is such a part of my daily routine, that when I woke up that was the first thing I noticed. Second was, I normally always wake up with a headache. Today? I woke up pain free, though it did slowly and mildly creep in about 45 mins after waking up, BUT it is still an improvement! Energy levels are high, and I slept great …probably the best extended and uninterrupted stretch I’ve had for at least 10 years.

One weird thing is, my left knee feels great, but my right feels off now. My right knee hasn’t bothered me since I got out of the Army (2.5 years ago), so it’s weird …but also kind of expected. I’ve read about “The Healing Crisis” and I know that a lot of past injuries (and even emotions) can surface as the body cleanses itself …so, while I’m kind of nervous to see what will be drug up, I’m super encouraged.

Honestly …right now, I’m almost laughing at all of the people that have told me this is a horrible idea and that I’m going to experience any number of negative outcomes. I don’t say that in an antagonistic way, because I’ve not always had the most open mind …but it’s just like this quiet contentment I have right now. I don’t care if the whole world thought it was stupid. My proof, and all that I need to keep going, is how I feel right now.

Goal for today: Continue to fast, and check in if I start feeling weak or tempted. Remember that goal, when I go to court, because I know the judge is going to try to give all the providers some kind of sweet treat. Be a shining example of what a healthy faster looks like.

Words for today: Three weeks from now, do you want to look on this moment with pride or regret? Alright then …act accordingly.

[alyssadanniele]

True …I know not to focus solely on that, and though I dropped 2, I always jump on the scale with a mental target -which is why I’m gonna stop for a few days.

Thank you for the insight! After years of this jazz, I still need reminders to be forgiving and easygoing with the journey

[Margviv]

You did it woo hoo !! Buzzing yes perfect description.lol you so got this . You should be very proud of yourself

[alyssadanniele]

01NOV2019 164.6

PLAN: FASTING

I got right to the 5 day mark and broke my fast. For me, it wasn’t enjoyable at that point because I started getting very angry. I know that I have to grow I to this and that I’ll get better and better at it. I’m not mad at myself, but I also don’t want to backslide. I woke up after being completely refed and still lost weight. Today, by sheer virtue of my schedule, I will not be able to eat at all, as I will be working until at least 10pm, so I am going to fast for 48 then break it on Saturday with our family meal. Starting Saturday night, I am going to try to do another 3 days (or more).

Feelings: With the group dynamic and accountability piece that I have right now, I feel good within myself, but I feel like I’m not, I guess, “good enough” to chime in, since I didn’t make it past day 5. I feel like I failed the group, but personally, I am happy.

Goals: Fasting all day, and still not eating when I get home -even if it’s midnight and technically a new day

Words for today: New day. New chance to shine.

[Compdude]

Congratulations on your achievement. I had to build up to my current 40 day fast myself. I did a 4, 5 and 7 day fast previously. What also happened is I had to consult with an Endocrinologist before embarking on my current fast as he cleared up a medical issue I had a misperception about that was holding me back since I’m a diabetic. Pat yourself on the back and celebrate. Then prepare for the next one!

[Charlotte]

5 days is an amazing accomplishment!! You didn’t fail the group at all. All that matters is how YOU feel anyways! I think your goals are awesome, and it sounds like you got some great benefits from your fast; congratulations!!

[alyssadanniele]

21 DAY WATER FAST - DAY 4
I haven’t been on here for a while, and considered starting fresh with a new post, but really wanted to capture my story in one place.
I have failed every attempt at super extended fasts before, but I am on Day 4, and I really believe I am going to do it this time.
Right now the only symptoms I have is that my jawline and throat almost feel blocked. Like, it feels like this surge is pushing up, wanting to get out of my body, but it’s currently trapped. I can’t describe how I know this, but I know that my body is getting rid of some serious damage and I can’t wait until that area feels free and loose.
Since posting I have not fasted more than like 24-36 hrs, at most, because I wanted to drink daily. As anyone that’s reading this can probably guess, I have also had to kick alcohol with this fast and am not going to be consuming it anymore. It was there for me through traumatic times, depressed times, anxious times …and then it remained to celebrate successful times, happy times, for any-excuse-you-could-give times. I just realized I don’t want to have a healthy relationship with alcohol (which was always my goal when I was out of control) …I don’t want a relationship at all. So, I feel good for a lot of reasons right now.
Even though I’m huffy and puffy going up and down the stairs in my house …I’m still very grateful for the alignment and the coming together that is happening in this moment. I can’t wait to post on Day 21 …but for now, here’s to a great Day 4!